Stress Time

I went back to school to do the Final year project submission. I went to the computer terminal and print the notes for submission.It seemed that everyone was doing the same things : printing the FYP report. I went to the undergraduate MPE office to ask for the sample for front cover and whether I need to do the binding of report. This lady whom I was very familiar or rather she knew me well ( as someone who very troublesome) told me that I did not need to submit the report but only extended abstract. I spent so much printing the report in colour and she said , not necessary but to give the report to the supervisor and asked whether he wanted it to be bind in ring or book,But he was not around. I did not care less so I just submit the abstract since I already gave my supervisor my hard-copy.

I went back to do online submission, but I had doubts so I asked the librarian who told me that I needed to go to the acquisition department to look for Mr David Tan (I thought so). After explaining, I went back to do my stuff but then I still had problems but I just could not be bothered to look for Mr David for help.

I walked to the SRC with intention of going gym. But somehow I felt so ashamed with my body which was really out of proportion plus I had no motivation at all.I walked to the bus-stop and bumped into Ridz so I passed him the invitation card. I was really stressed over who to invite, seriously. I thought I could just relax and help out my mum for preparation of the wedding. Sighs.

I went to King Albert Park to have my dinner while doing some plan for this month. I ordered McChicken Wing meal but was told that my fries was not ready and would be sent to me later. I waited for 15 minutes but my fries was still not delivered. So I went down and asked whether my fries was ready. The lady manager apologized to me that the fries was not ready yet and scolded the girl for being forgetful. I was quite surprised that the manager remembered my order. Luckily for that girl, I was not very petty customer or else I would make her working in McDonald a living hell. But I was a nice guy.

I went back home: A journey was somehow very long and tiring. After that, I just fell asleep despite my mum to wake me up as my relatives visit today. Sorry, I just need to recuperate my eyes as my contact lenses were contaminated.

Final farewell

I woke at 7am, still thinking whether I should go to airport and bid goodbye to my good friend. Hence, I decided to go, got changed and took MRT at 8am. The journey was very late and I decided to sms felecia wheere she was as well as got sms from Bee Lan and Hui Hui regarding the trip to airport.For me, it was once a lifetime and missing such event would make me regretful for not doing my part as a friend. I recah bugis at 8.45am and I knew I was going to be late. So I alight from Bugis MRT station and took a taxi from there to Changi Airport. When I saw the tower, I started to be write the life scripts for drama of my life. It was very strong feeling everytime I went to Airport. It was like losing someone.

I met quite number of familiar faces , those in Union and NTU.They were a good friends of Hung yong and I was one of them though. It was kind aof weird to meet people again. Luckily Jhong Ren and Juliana were there. While Hung yong was busy with other people, I was busy waiting for my other two pals to come down. I talekd to Evarn, Cheng li and Hui Young for a while before they start to take pictures. At last, they came and we took a picture together as four again.It was beautiful moment.

I was one of the few who would feel the greater loss of his existence in Singapore.The person who gave me hope and determination to continue my study in NTU.Someone who helped people including me without complaints and it wa sjust purely sincere and without asking for return. Someone who observed you and adviced you to be better. Someone who also had a greater fun with me and other, without losing each other credibility. Like I meantion earlier, Why God send the angel like him to Earth? To lighten up other people life. He definitely did. I knew I was going to miss him much, but would not mention it in front of people. One could never what would happen during two years. One would question whtether the friendship would continue last as ever or..... ? I kept my finger crossed.

Bon Voyage, Lim Hung Yong

Z members, UNion mebers and F4

I began to wonder that would anyone would send me off to lala land amd who? I hate that thought as it would make me think of loneliness and loneliness sucks big time. seeing those people changed for either better of worse, we had to appreciate whatever that held us as a sane and humane - freindship, love, family and smile.Gosh I felt so emotinal(n which i shouldn't) It was just a phase of life, and we I should accept as it is.

Felecia, Kailing and Evarn - people who also brighten my life in NTU

We had breakfast at Delifrance at Changi Airport - first time . Juliana decided to followed us for breakfast while jhong ren went to teh group to have birthday celebration with one of the Union ball people which we did not even know. We have so much things to say and gossip from chapter A to E ( I guessed the girls would know the Alphabets are ). Life went back as per normal. I still had good friends in Singapore. Anyway, I got free bowl of soup when I ordered Le Tradintional meal.Why not? I was like so over-friendly with them ,asking theme anything while waiting for meal.Jhong Ren and Juliana went to Plaza Sinagpora while Hui Hui and Bee lan went shopping at Orchard Road and I went back home to ctach up with my sleep.

Breakfast at Delifrance

Salsa-Not

As Usual, I woke up late today. Nothing to do in afternoone xcept to be prepared to go salsa class at Trader's hotel with lily later at 7pm. I packed my stuff and took MRT there. On the way there, I receive a sms from my sister to ask me to go shopping to buy a shirt and pant for the groom with the budget of $200 and below. Worse, I did not have any cash with me, hence I travelled back from Clementi to Boon Lay to go home to take the money. By then , I would be late for salsa session. therefore, I called that I had to cancel the session as there was much urgent thing to do first.

I wnet back to Orchard Road and met lily since she was kinda of bored to go there alone, hence she accompanied me to go shopping. I knew she was a little disappointed. I decided to give her a movie treat - shutter at Cineleisure. It's saturday,expected that we would not get the tickets.We had dinner at Kyros Kebab at besement level. The place was damn cool after renovation and a great hang-out for beautiful people.

We walked to the Isetan Scott to try our luck to catch movie. It was disappointing trip again as the movie was help at midnight. We crossed the road to visit Zara. yes, at last I managed to shop at Zara. With lily around, shopping could be very fun{ny). Seriously, it was really a himbotic shopping session at Zara. Luckily Zara sale assistant was good enough to entertain my silliness. I managed to get whole set cost $188. It seemed that it was a good luck number, somehow. I bumped into my sis's ex boyfriend. Weird feeling!

We took a bus to plaza Singapura to check out the cinema.Again, I was very persistent person. I made sure I would get what I want. But alas, the tickets were sold out again. Therefore,we did some shopping first to look for a gift for a friend. I managed to get the trucker cap for my friend and myself at 77th Street Boutique.

Then we decided to go to Mohammaed Sultan Road to hang out. We took bus 136 and walked to the UE square and hanged out at Indulge cafe. At last I got to hang out there. I ordered brownie a la mode cost $7, a tea by the pot for lilya nd strawberry smoothie for me. I gave lily a treat and had talk-cock session there. A lot of familiar faces (most from California gym and Terence/Alex freinds).therefore, it was very awkward situation. Worse, I wore pink Shirt with Grey camo bermuda.Attention was everywhere. The people there were friendly though.

At 1030pm, we walked to Gallery hotel to check out the Coccolatte Pub. We came across Book Cafe nearby. It would be my next hang out place.There was an AFA event at Coccolatte pub. THe big condom came over and greeted us welcome. We thought it was free entry but then we had to pay cover charges which I thought it was absurd since this was a charity event and the pub were making money by taking advantage. We walked back by the river. we came across the Spanish restaurant : Andorra. It was evry classy restaurant where people dance tango, flamingo and so on while dined. I thought it was a good idea to dine and dance together.Well, it is meant for couple though. We took a bus to Somerset MRt station and from there we parted and went home

farewell chill out

I went to school to do final print of photograph for Hung yong gift. While waiting for the scanner station to be left unoccupied, I updated myself online and supposedly to print my FYP project. Alas, I did not bring my CD today. Then I just decided to join the queue since the station would always being occupied. While waiting, I saw this hunky guy scanning some male models advertisements from magazines , like FHM and Cleo. Interesting, I thought.The only way to use the scanner fast was to stare at him with weird and disbelief look.My, I was so good at this. Yes, I managed to get the scanner quickly...not because of my weird stare but the machine went haywire. He left me to solve the machine problem.Thanks, dude. It took me more time to settle resolving the problem with the aid of the staff. I quickly scan the picture in four, went to computer and print the pictures.

I have only 2 hour to reach Orchard Rd. I smsed Lily that I would be late and met her around 7.30pm.I was kinda of missing California Fitness center while wiating for Lily outside the center. So many familiar people whom I came across when I was the member. Then we went shopping at Far East Plaza to look for beaded necklace I had been longing for. Ended up, Lily managed to get her L-shaped and diamond-studded pendant for $9.90.I was quite disappointed for not getting the necklace despite seaching for that place twice.

I received a call from Hui Hui that Bee Lan was quite pissed off since everyone was late and she was on time. Hence I told Lily that I had to met my friend at 8.30pm so I would not skipped the dinner with her. We walked to Wisma Atria McDonalds to meet up but out of courtesy, I asked lily whether she wanted to join us. We hanged out at delifrance while waiting for Hui Hui. I had Le classique meal for $6.95 for my dinner.It was quite awkward situation between the girls which I would not elaborate further. We were discussing where to chill out when Hui hui arrived. Lily suggested to go Goodwood Park hotel as she might meet the guy who asked her to join him and his friends there. I decided not since this was old friends' affair.

Lily met up with the guy named Joe, I thought.There are some vibes around when we walked towards centerpoint. After that Joe went of to meet his friends at Goodwood Park hotel and Lily decided to go home since she said that she was kinda of tired.

We waited for Hung Yong who took taxi from Bugis. We three started to bitch whoever on our mind,just to pass time.Yes, we all wore red tops for good luck. We went inside the Alley Bar and chilled out. We passed the gift to Hung yong, I hoped he would be touched with the gift. It was really hardwork from me.A promise was a promise to be fufilled and Hung yong knew what I meant.We was laughing away at each events how much we all changed except hung Yong. True enough.

I called Alex where he was going to club later. He was having dinner at some jap restaurant at cineleisure. He and Rachel ( with their gang) decided to meet me at Alley bar. I was surpised to see rachel with new hairstyle and we did manage to do brief catching up with one another. I introduced them to my best friends, H-B-H. I did not know Rcahel could be friendly towards my friends. They decided to go to Altivo bar where ALex worked. It was at Mount Faber which was really convenient for me to go there since I did not drive around.

All red and we got attention from people

We just continue our usual gossip session on certain people before we started to become cam whore. Alley bar was quite a stunning place to chill out except the music was quite loud and I had difficulty to talk normally.Hence throughout the night, I kept shouting till my voice got hoarse.

Three

We left at 1am, since everyone had plans in the morning.It was raining that time so Hui hui and Bee Lan took a taxi home while Me and Hung yong took Night rider. hung yong decided to take NR5 together with me, and I thought that was sweet.I wondered why God decided to put this angel on the Earth?Overall, I had fun today. Purely.

Three

Alexander hospital

I woke up early to send my mum to emergency ward at Alexander hospital later. My mum told me that the car was being barricade by the constructor becase there was painting of block was being progressed. I told her that I was not bothered at all. If that was my car, I would park it at multi-carpark, and I did not mind walking a distance to there rather than seeing my car being smulged by the paints.

I went down with my mum who forced me to drive to Alexandra Hospital. It was 8.30am and I presumde that the expressway would be crowded with vehicles and those big and long trucks. yes, I was right. I hated driving in crowded road as I would needed to know the right timing and position to change lane and exit correctly.Constant changes of accelerations and decelaration did not do any saving cost for me.

Driving a car with auto-gear,one need to use more fuel/petrol, hence it cost more.

I parked in front of the emergency area. Registration fee cost $55. So many 'Chao Keng' soldier report sick at AH. I could see their 11B being submitted at the registration counter.I wend inside the consultation ward , acted as translator , then went out. i thought it was over but suddenly nurse came and told my mum that she went to go for injection and would be confined for one hour for obseravtion. I would not be staying in the area for one hour, hence I walked around AH, then went to McDonalds at Queensway Shopping Centre, did some reading and chatted a very short conversation with one lady with the worse sense of dressing who sat beside me. The McDonalds crew were so chirpy there and the strangers seemed to be friendly with one another. It made me felt quite freaked, actually.

Then I went back and sat for another half hour for my mum to com out. Actually, while waiting at the waiting area, I could help feeling amazed seeing so many 'sick' people with strange behaviour, paramedics and the Civil Defence Ambulance. How could I not forget Death and pain? Did it make me feel repented? No, just realised that life is so short and fragil ( I think I mentioned again in previous entries ) and one could not help thinking what's store for us tomorrow.Anyway, it was strangely peaceful at Alexander Hospital.

Once my mum came out, we went to pharmacy to collect the medicines. So many types medicines cost only $3.60. then I drove to Sheng Shiong mart at jurong Bowl to do some grocery shopping. The place there was such a convenient store, meant for people who are busy and did some business.Or time was damn precious for certain group of people. things were like well prepared and packaged. Anyway my mum did not like to shop there , because the price was slight expensive than wet market.She knows best, anyway.Well, for people like me who prefer convenience and easy access would prefer supermart than wet market.

I decided to go to Sim Lim Square to buy the cheapest Mp3 player , as i really needed music to motivate me to go jogging long distance.It was raining heavily and travelling back was really torturous and waste of time. Driver was more careful on road, hence slower bus journey. I went back home and realized that my mum did not cook anything, I decided to cook Hokkien Mee. i went for a long jog at nearby carpark with my new gadget.

Feel healthier

Funny Encounter

I woke up damn late today, so I forgot the idea of going to school to have my picture taken for the yearbook 2005. I did my laundry and boy, 6 poles were not enough for my laundry. The weather was extraordinarily good today. Then I went to the Prime Supermarket to buy some groceries for visitors this evening. I guessed I would be making Fried Mee.

I dressed up and took a train to Lavender to meet Lily. Once, I reached there, It was raining damn heavily. Seriously, It was not a good sign. Then, Lily introduced me her mum. And she would be joining us for jalan-jalan. Seriously, the involvement of someone's parent, let alone mine was really awkward situation. You would catch me walking in town with my mum.The feeling was not right. The frequency and preference of sort were not tally with each other. What the heck! I just followed suit. It might be a new experience.

We went to Bugis by train, since it rained heavily , therefore to cancel the trip to Army Market. We walked to the Bugis Village where Lily's mum wished to buy some groceries at Bencoolen shophouse. Despite sharing umbrella with lily, the rain was just so nasty suddenly. We went to Sim Lin Square and walked around. I did buy some Blank CDR for $21 for 100 pieces. Lily bought Britney Spear: My Prepogative MTV DVD. for only $29.90. Then we parted at Bugis Junction. They went to Chinatown while I walked around Bugis Junction to look for some gift for Hung Yong. I ended up buying Briefs for myself. What brand huh? HOMME loh. Those Microfibre type. Very cooling.

Then I took bus 7 with intention to walk around Orchard Road but seeing the weather was so bad. I just continued my journey to Clementi. At clementi, I bought an album as a gift to Hung Yong at Big Bookshop,It would be very touching gift from me....no... from me and the gang.I also bought a cookbook and poster:

Take Each Day, One At a time
One day at a time - this is enough,
Do not look back
and grieve over the past,
for it is gone.

Don not be troubled
about the future,
for it has yet to come.

Live in the present,
and make it so beautiful
that it will be worth
REMEMBERING.

INSPIRING!!A positive Affirmation

I reached home at 7pm , did some cooking for the visitors later. I was making Indian fried mee. I thought I did great doing the dishes except cutting the beef. We needed to know where and how to cut the beef or else it would be very difficult to chew. I think, we need to cut the meat, aligned with the veins of the meat.Today, I fulfiled quite number of tasks. I felt good. I was much hardworking than my sister. Kinda of irked seeing her watching TV , without even bothering to help out in the kitchen. I can handle though.

Around at night, I took a lot of guts to open the email from NTU.I always had this fear of opening NTU mail , especially during last year of course. Truly, I received a mail, bad news from Dr Martin regarding my CA which I did not do at all. I did not know how to reply to him because he was nice enough to put me into his class. Guilty!

Nothing left!

I went to Jurong point Community Library at 11 am to borrow some books to kill time - some improvement books and a cookbook. I need some inspiration in this point of life. I bought chicken rice at Banquet since my mum was not going to cook later as I was going to send her to hospital for check-up.

My father came back home around 12pm, bought his own lunch.Then my mum came back home , surpisingly saw my father at home. The appointment was cancelled at last minute. Hence they decided to go to Paya Lebar to do some last minute shopping on my sister's wedding. But then, I needed to fetch my sis from Orchard Road.I really hated driving to Orchard Road - That place was forever congested with vehicles and irresponsible jaywalkers. Well, the only way to overcome fear to do it in favour of fear.

Being reckless and egoistic driver ( even on road ), I really hated
1) Drivers who hogged behind me at close proximity,
2) Those who did not gave signal while changing lane
3) Taxi drivers
4) Those virtually tried to challenged my driving skill especially speeding.
5) Old women drivers

Please don't hate me, just the experience caused me to ahte certain groups of drivers.I also did bad road manners too, like not giving way to slow drivers and those who thought they own the road.

Anyway, I waited for my sister at carpark near Somerset MRT station. I did not know that she worked out at California gym. Then we droved to the city plaza and did some shopping after eating at Haig Road. My father was very hungry. Then I asked my sister to drive back because I was just too tired, very tired. I hated driving whole day. I need LASIK surgery.

Then, my mum's siblings visited us. They tried my mum's worse chicken curry at the year. It was quite true that we should put our whole heart and love to prepare and cook the dishes. Today, my mum cursed the chicken for being thawed for longest time plus she was in the rush to prepare the curry. I did not blamed her since she was not feeling well.Cooking needs our patience and love, then the ones who eat them would defintely beam with loving smiles.

Widow

Today I learnt about family importance.Yes, in every family units, there are bound to have problems. Issues within family units were mostly concerned with parent-child relationship.Of course,the mother was the one who was alway been the victim in emotional aspect.

1)Son who did not acknowledge his own mum's presence

This case was very sad. It really hurt any mother whose son who did not even bother to visit and acknowledge her while she was still alive. How could anyone be so forgetful mother's sacrifices throughout the years. I could see my aunt's sad expression when my mum aked whether one of her sons came to visit her. She could be very bitchy too, when one of her son suddenly came to visit her after years until she realised that he was diagnosed with sickness. She told us that, why came to her house to visit her with his disease.Only when he got sickness, then tried to remember who his mother is. Very saddening.

2)Son who did not want to come back home
My cousin, a divorcee, did not wish to come back home but prefer to sleep at east coast park with his bus.He wanted to show his rebellious attitude as my auntie was against his decision to marry a widow with children. I was really pitied his wife. After 10 years being childless couple, they did manage to get a son and that started my cousin's weird behaviour - falling in love with widow. Sometimes, we could never know our heart well.We just followed it blindly without thinking the consequences. At last my auntie conceded defeat and accept the proposal. Which mum would not feel sad when her son did not have proper meal and home.

3>Son who left his mum too fast
This auntie of mine was very strong woman. Both his husband and son passed away so early. My cousin died of lung cancer, leaving his wife and his two young sons.When I looked at his sons, I just could help pitying his wife who was quite young, raising her sons by herself. One of his sons did ask about his father occasionally.I could see my auntie devoted herself loving her grandson more deeply.Two widows in the house.Loneliness.Sadness.Surrender.

Kudos to women who called themselves mother.Well it was not mother's day today but everyday was mother's day for them.Their love for their children were endless and pure.

MUM

Ubin Trip

Waking up at 6.30 am on rainy day was not a good idea, actually. I promised to meet Hung Yong at 8am at Buona Vista MRT Station.Intention to reach the bus-stop fast, I walked down the slopes which caused a major ugly slid along the slope.I knew that the slopes was wet and slippery. My whole bermudas and and clothes were covered with wet mud. It was so embarrasing. I felt so dirty and messy at the momen. Iw as lucky to bring sweater to tied around my waist. I looked so un-fashioned.

I sat all the way, even asked Hung yong to come inside, without me leaving my seat because I afraid my butt would leave a stain on the seat and cause further embarassment. Once I reached Eunos station, I quickly rushed to the exit. Yes, hung Yong told me that the aunties looked at my seat which was filled with leaves and mud. Bleah!

I called Bee Lan to come downa nd told her that we decided to go Pulau Ubin, instead and called Hui Hui about the change of plan. We had breakfast at nearby hawker center first. They had these vegetarian meal while I had a packet of Nasi lemak. Then Bee Lan drove her father's pick up to fetch Hui Hui. I was really impressed with her driving a pick-up despite certain road errors which may cause demerits point and at worse scenario, loss of pedestrians.I ahd no complaint being in front seat, because she was a type of driver that could cause thrills on road.I myslef had long never touched manual gear plus I forgot how to operate the clutch and gear thingy. It would be better for someone who know the vehicle well.

We travelled to the Changi Village at around 10+am. It was drizzling though.I bought 6-inch vegetarian sandwich from Subway and mineral water from Cheers beforehand. We took a boat to Pulau Ubin at $2. There was quite number of people going to Ubin. We rent the bicycle at $6. Initailly, cycling was very fun and easy. When time went by, Cycling , especially on high slope was tortourous ordeal for me. Luckily for me, I had Bee lan to accompany me around. We both like gasping for air trying to cycling the slope. Our fitness level, especially mine, were very bad. This trip really make me realised that I was such a slob. When we stopped halfway and Hui hui was still continued cycling on high slopes, I told them that " There was times when I was like Hui Hui whereas I was at the top and the rest at the bottom, struggling.Now, it's my turn to be at the bottom struggling hard to cycle". this showed that the age was catching up".

At least the weather was good - not sunny at all. We went to Maman Beach, Noordin Beach and Marina Country club resort. The resort was very beautiful and serene. It was really a great retreat away from bustling Singapore. One did not need to go to Malaysia to have a retreat. The resort here was quite similar, though.

Entrance of Ubin and Nordin Camp

Lastly, we decided to cycle to the east to Chek Jawa.Yes, my butt was very painful due the small sized bicycle and lousy gear changer.We rested a while at Nordin Beach to have Subway meal before continued our journey to East.I endured all the way. On the way, we bumped into a group of youngster who got lost while searching for Chek jawa. They were not lost but were not sure how to go to Chek jawa.Hui Hui knew the place well but forgot how to go to there. We just followed our instincta nd just carry on cycling through the barricade. After a long journey, We reached to the infamous Chek Jawa. To our disappointment, it was still high-tide, hence we could move around the area to see the marine and other aquatic lifes. The place was magnificient actually. The place was so peaceful and quiet.

Chek Jawa

We could stay there for another two hour for low tides, hence we decided to cycle back to the meeting point.Feeling tired, but we felt so happier and healthier. Maybe this was the ideal form of exercise where we could enjoy each other company as well as losing weight at same time.The togetherness outweight each of us's tiredness.

Hung Yong and I washed our face and changed to new clothes before moving to the jetty. Everyone was hungry now.Goodbye Ubin and Welcome Singapore.I had fun, as well as acknowledge my bad fitness level.We had our famous Nasi Lemak at Changi Village and Rojak. We chatted awhile before Bee Lan droved use back to Eunos after sending Hui hui home. We had fun. Thanks

Forever four

post- boredom

Nothing much to do today. I was totally bored.

Tonight result for Singapore Idol : Olinda was being eliminated. I was much into agreement with Ken Lim and maybe others that Olinda could make it as an Idol for Singapore. Singapore Idol, undeniably a talent competition. Truly, Olinda has a sumpreme and powerhouse vocal but that did not impress much for the younger audience. Oli-Sly case would be much similar to Jennifer-Josh case in American idol 3.

I would vote for Taufik to be Singapore Idol. I was really mesmerized by his chosen songs.He got a good range of voice and soulful. Good luck Taufik!

I watch HBO movie:A walk to remember starring Mandy Moore

Entrance of Ubin and Nordin Camp

Each spring in the little port town of Beaufort, North Carolina, Landon Carter remembers his senior year at Beaufort High and Jamie Sullivan, the girl who changed his life. Serious and conservative, Jamie (Moore) was as far from cool as she could possibly be, and didn't care. Landon (West) hung with the in-crowd an aimless, moody, reckless guy who breezed through school on looks and bravado and had no plans, no future and no faith in himself. When a prank goes terribly wrong landing a kid in the hospital, Landon is assigned to tutor a young student on the weekends and participate in the Drama Club's spring play. Clearly in over his head with both assignments, Landon is forced to ask Jamie for help. Soon, against his own expectations and the scorn of his friends, Landon finds himself falling in love with this outwardly plain girl who possesses a passion for life he never imagined possible.

Do not be surpised, I like watching love stories with tragic ending. This is reality and I did not being in fable and fairy tales where love was so beautiful in happy endings.There is no such things as happy endings.

Where could anyone find such guy whoe love was so mountain high for this girl with leukemonia.The one who was willing to do anything for her (in this era.). Love was such a magficinent feelings. Would I be willing to do anything for a girl I love? Or would I be one of those guys in Singapore who just work sleep and work sleep everyday to fulfil what people say life.Romance hardly exists in this tiny island because we could buy love with money. Hence no point, finding love and falling in love with it. Waste of time.

Not that I deny myself that I did not need love. I was desperate for love. Most of my peers are married and are getting married to their dream girls ( maybe).I was pressurized. But I do dare to say that, they just wanna get married to continue the family line and then waited for God to take their life as the women in Heaven are much better 100000000X better than their wives, or vice versa.This movie really showed the real image of what pure love in nineties.

The most sweetest conversation between lovers
Jamie: You know what I figured out today?
Landon: What?
Jamie: Maybe God has a bigger plan for me than I had for myself. Like this journey never ends. Like you were sent to me because I'm sick. To help me through all this. You're my angel.

Landon: Can you find this star, right here?
Jamie: Sure. So why am I looking for this star?
Landon: Because I had it named for you. See? It's official. It's from the International Star Registry.
Jamie: This is wonderful... I love you.

Landon: [voiceover] Jamie saved my life. She taught me everything. About life, hope and the long journey ahead. I'll always miss her. But our love is like the wind. I can't see it, but I can feel it.

Eric: Talk to me man.
Landon: About what?
Eric: About you, about Jamie.
Landon: What's there to talk about? She's the best person I've ever known.

I was still searching for who can inspired me to be who I am.

Postexam

When your brains switched back to relaxed and lazy mode, We just did not wish to do anything else but catched up with sleepa nd have more than expected relaxation. maybe, that was how the brain functioned.

I did not even wish to do the things I listed during the exam period. I tried to be proscratinate more and more.

LIFE!

Finally

If I want to have a day which represent maximum pressure point of my days. It would be today. I woke up at 7am, bought 2 'kosong' and egg prata as breakfast from Gek Poh Ville. I went to toilet twice, maybe it would be better to clear your bowel so that I would feel lighter.Not in the mood to read my notes.I travelled to NTU hall D at 9am. Somehow, today I look quite suave in green shirt and bermuda. Feeeeeeeeeeeling stylish.

The paper was quite tough, Like i said previously, although I welcomed the open book examination, I would waste time searching for solution which is somehow simliar to the exam question.Worse, it would be the time to understand the concept on the spot.It occurred to me today. I thought almost half of the paper I left out due to time constraint. I thought I could leave early to prepare my presentation.

I hate waiting for bus, hence I took shuttle bus which waste my time much more as it took a longer route to reach canteen A.While in library, I touched up my presentation slide again, which apparently took me an hour. I felt so nervous.My body seems to be very mess now.I kept trembling, inducing vomit, fatigue and worse mental-blocked. I STILL NOT prepared my presentation. I got butterly in my stomach. Yeah, that's feeling.I went to N2-B3 toilet to change into pants and took a lift to level 1 meeting room. Zeng Cai and AP Jiang were there. Their stern expression did not welcome me here and that made the situation worse. The other professor came in and I started the presentation. I did my best to do work, well it was really last minute presentation. I was not proud of myself , doing below standard presentation. After that, I was being bombarded by the present professor regarding the slide (Effective Surface Area especially).Well, I just bullshited all the way. At elast he was quite a nice guy.At last, my Final year Project presentation was over. I thanked Zeng Cai and AP Jiang so many times, for diplomatic relation. I suggested to go to fuel cell lab to clear all the stuff which I did during the period.Yes, I was so stupid to make such suggestion. I went there , clean the apparatus,threw the acid and clear what's not being used anymore.And I bid goodbye ( for good, hopefully) to him.

It's 2.13pm. I called my mum whether she cook for lunch.She was busy making a cake for her working colleagues. Hence I bought a fried rice and went back home. Nothing much to do actually. The shows aired on TV were so boring. Hence I just went to sleep with my contact lenses on. Bad habit - laziness.

At night, I got sms from Ridz to ask me out for celebration. I amnaged to meet him only after 12midnight as I got so many visitors coming to house. I drove to fetch him at hall 2. I suggested to have Nasi Lemak at Fong Seng at Clementi Road. He agreed. Been a long time, I had Nasi Lemak there. Ridz was not confident with my driving skill. Don't worry, I am good.

I parked my car at King Edwards Hall and walked down to the Clementi Road. Most of the hostelites were studying since the exam was around the corner.The path were being raised a barrier hence, we had to sneaked around to get through the barrier. Ridz told me about his nephew, who met with accident recently. Sometimes, I wondered why life could be so fragile that once lost, or nearly lost, we tend to take things more seriously around us. God is smart to know all around the World as long it still evolved.

Fong seng was crowded with NUS undergrads and others. I ordered nasi lemak with same favourite condiments.I love Fong Seng Nasi Lemak.After that, we explored around the NUS,eg the halls, the engineering block and drove back to NTU. I had great time with my old hallmate. Talking about hall, we did try to recall all the experience and sweet memories at Hall 14. Seriously, i could not recall much during my stay in hall 14 except those beautiful and interesting experience. If only, I discovered the blog earlier. We supposed to go up to our previous room, but were being barred by security gate ( which of course we did not have the password for the gate). Anyway, Ridz was the only one who could put up with nonsense and aloof attitude, That's why my stay in Hall 14 was not that bad.

Second Last

7am
Took a bus to school. Quite early right and my first time in whole semester to go to school at 7am. I need to go to library to do my cheat paper for exam. I had only two hours or less to finish up. I seriously tried hard to squeeze all the formulae and example in one A4 paper ( both side).

9am
I went to print the material. Still need to fill up the empty space, but when I went to computer to retrieve all the lecture as I refreshed the page online, all gone. Yeah! the site was updated and there was no more lecture notes online. Argh! I still need to cut and paste Frequency Method, Bode plots and Polar plots.Out of panic, I went to photocopy the examples from ten-year series but most of the photocopy machines spoilt. Those people who used the the machine, brought like a box of notes to photocopy. It did not help me appease my panicky mood.I had only 10 minutes.

9.10am
I was still waiting. Die! I just cut the portion and paste onto the A4 paper using tape ( there is no glue at photocopy room).It was so ugly. I already lost my battle.I quickly rushed to the Nanyang auditorium. It accelerate my heartbeat to maximum. I never felt any of this feeling before except getting a jab on my butt.

9.30am
The paper illusionated ( my own english) the difficuly of the subject. i did my best, ironically to finish the paper. I only revise the subject like only yesterday. Sighs!

12pm
I was not proud of myself. I seriously had difficulty to do the paper. I felt sad, suddenly. I afraid I might need another semetser. I guessed I NEED another semester.My dreams are dashed just because of the exam papers. It's not worth.I just went back home, realizing both of parents not at home. Plus no food for me as lunch.

1pm
I went to but Tom Yum crunch meal at KFC as my lunch.My parents were back from a visit from doctor.They bought some noodles for me. I ate it and went to sleep.

7pm
I am doing some revision on last paper and prepared my presentation for FYP.

Wish ME luck

Happy Deepavali and Holiday. STUDY!!!! NO TIME TO UPDATE<< MAYBE LATER I PUT ALL THE STUFF INTO DRAFT>SORRY BUSY WEEKKKKK

9am
I decided to go to NIE library to study because I needed big space ie. big table. There wasn't any crowd yet ,therefore I got good seat. I was quite stressed, doing revision on this subject.I tried my best to memorise formulae.

11am
Crowd started to come. The crowd was much better than those in NTU. The student here r much laidback and pleasing, somehow. I better started concentrate on my study.I was the only one who occupied the table because I studied alone. Then this guy appraoched and asked me whether the seat was taken. I said No.Intruder! He left after putting his notes, leaving his friend there studying.Suddenly, i saw strands of hair, yes my hair on his side of table. I had this tendency to play with my hair, not to seduce anyone but to stimulate the nerves on my head to relax. And also pulling the hair is such a pleasure when i was veryb pressurized. Bad habit though.I was trying to fan away the hair but his friedn was just beside me.Hence I just packed and leave to avoid embarassment.

12pm
I wondered where is hall L. I sat on the bench to do revision when my sttomach was giving me trouble. I hate it. Hall L was at school of Biological science. I saw my FYP supervisor , as invigilator there. Kinda weird to see him there. Good Luck!

4pm
The paper was a killer. I gone forever. Yes, i afraid I might retake the subject again. I really gave up doing the paper. I was really wanted to leave the hall and gave myself a break ,mind break.I felt so bad today

And today, I spent my time wasting.

Nostalgic

Nostalgic

Nostalgic

Things that make me smile

Fluidity

Today I was still deciding whether I should go to school to study or .... no sure. Now it is like 11am. By the time, I went to school, there would no avalaible seats, good ones for me. Hence I went back to sleep again.

12pm
I suddenly woke up, feeling guilty. Hence I decided to study at Gek Poh CC study room after my shower. It was crowded but I managed to get the good seat.While I got myself momentum to study, we, including me, were being disturbed by the fire alarm. Itw as not faulty but a fire drill whereby everyone who use the community centre has to follow the regulation of the fire drill. I found it so childish and time-wasting. Seriously, I came here to study not to be guinea pig for the fire drill. Imagined, waiting for those little imps at childcare center, walking so systematically and slowly to the basketball court.Hullo, It was fire-drill. Where were their sense of urgency? Yawns.It was at 3pm.

3.45pm
I called Lincoln,asking him why he did not reply to sms ysterday.Same reason: handphone flat.Yes, this is the same reason applicable to everyone, including me. He was complaining about this new groupie who was going to launch the album on february.
He was helping his friend to do album cover design for them but was pissed of by their could not be bother attitude.Lincoln, the only who can really good at convincing me with facts and logic explanation.He is like only 21year old and was much sensible and pratical than me. Bleah!

7pm
I decided not to go to school later, hence I just did revision at home.Bad idea. I spent more time wtaching TV rather than memorising formulae and revisiing for this killer subject.Too much distraction and I was so regretful.

1030
I was anticipated to watch NATM. This episode was about groove and sexy moves.Tyra Banks could sing now.Bleah!Anyway,this episode was quite touching one, especially in the end when Tyra said with tears that who she is, standing here,to judge and eliminate any of them and dashed one of them's hopes while she would in turn would be judged too by the world (she talked about her album as well as her singing which was one of her dreams)I knew Yoanna would not booted out because she was the next American top model this season. A lot of crying and consoling among the girls except Cammile. Yeah, that bitch, the cool bitch.

Back to the point of being judged, we have all been judged and misjudged and that was really not a nice experience.Hit and miss situation had been a commonplace in daily routine and sometimes, we should do things to love and appreciate us. Life is onetime and we would not have any second chance to change for better. Love for what we are - but of course there are room for improvement

1130pm
Time to sleep. I'm signing off

Happy Birthday father

I woke up late, despite warning and threat from me to mum that I would fail my exam if I did not wake up early.I knew it was illogical and it did not work at all.I kept listening to my body everytime.I always regrettted when i woke up late and found an excuse to use night to substitute my time which was not meant for sleeping.It was not right.

Nevertheless, I still went to school around 1pm, stayed for three hours, revising my M443, which I was not even understand a single bit at all.My mum called me to go back early becase we need to go and celebrate my father birthday.Today, iw as not going to drive, never. I need to study...in the car. Ended up, I snoozed off during the journey.No wonder, some people said that Do not study on travelling vehicle - either you would get short-sightness fast or fall asleep.

Today, i was really pised with my mum's decision about having a dinner at hawker center to celebrate my father's birthday. I was just kept quiet beacuse I was in anyway worried with much more important things.Even my father,silently disagreed with her decision. He prefer the one where is litlle bit classy and buffet-styled dinner and he would'nt mind paying more. What the heck. I already ordered my Osyster sauced beef fried noodle. I swored that I would not eat those again. Imagine eating a noodle with black sauce only. Gross!

We walked around Geylang Serai to check out the scene since this year would be the last year we could feel the old nostalgia of GEylang Serai before it started to undergo new changes and development for future. I did not care less either. Nothing can be so nostalgic than my childhood album.

I bought a box of fireworks for fun. It got whistle when I lighted it. So cool.Then I droved back home, took a shower and then went out again. Feeling hungry, I went to Boon Lay market to buy the infmaous Nasi lemak but the queue was damn long. I just dropped the idea and went to 711 to buy Ribena fun-pack, bottle of Soya-bean, smoked chicken burger and a packet of potato chips.I studied till 4am.It was crowded at Canteen B. I felt alone again.

Celebrate of Third

8am
Forced myself to travel to NTU, specifically at Hall D @ SRC for my Law paper. I need to complete the paper for two hours. When one was not really unsure of the subject, tossing and turning the notes looking for the right information for question while the clock seems to speed up much faster especially during open book examination. I left out question that cost me 15 marks.The question was like one page content. Where got time to read?

11.40am
As usual, I walked home. While walking home, my brain started to function actively.I kept asking myself why and why and why things are in that way? Like why the Fragipani in white but yellowish inside? Why cat like to sleep anywhere? Why Girls got big butt? Why people jog at 12pm? Why ..... I ask why?

12.15pm
Yes, Popcorn's blog was being under attack, worse a personal attack by some anonymous reader(s). I despised personal attack, especially when they assumed that by reading the blog, they could tell one's personality and behaviour. Lame! Welcome to Blogging World, Phoebe got her share of the pie of anonymity. We just could not please anyone.

PopCorn

12.30pm
Forgive me for my sin. I stared at this girl's boob , comparatively with her friend's ones. I made a certain analysis why men love Big boobs.According to Lambo theory, the palm of the man has bigger surface area, hence it need bigger surface area to stimulate the touch of the hand. Obviously, Big Boobs have bigger surface. Hence , men can easily cupped the boob while having foreplay, sex and other sexual form of activies. Cupping the boob is the additional activities to the enjoyment of both. Hence formulate : large surface area need large surface area to find good sexolution.

Lambo Theory came from a guy who is LAMe and BObo

1pm
I went to take a long nap. I was quite tired actually.

3pm
I was being woke by my mother to ask for my help to carry the groceries at first storey. I was like so pissed when my sleep was being disturbed. Because headaches would occured when I suddenly woke up. I hate headaches. I went back to sleep again. I needed to go for revision later in evening.

8pm
I felt like going out of the house to the town but no one to call up and go out. I felt so left-out.

Second Down

Yes,at last I knew who left the parking lot for me at 4am. It was Gardenia Van. I guessed he needed to do early delivery. It helped me save my time and myself. Grateful. Instead those who did not know what Gardenia is?

The brand famous for Bread

I went back home and took an advice to sleep early so that my mind could rest and would help me remember all the facts I had been digesting.

11 am
I woke up with sweet surpise, seeing my cat really take a nap beside my body. I could feel the warmth of her fur against my skin.Yes, I slept topless. A good day to start my day. I went to take shower and wear the tee of my favourite colour.I heard it was lucky colour. I did some revision or rather tried to memorise as much fact as possible. Suddenly my body got into total mess-up. I felt nausea, my hands trembled and had stomach upset. Is this the symptom of highest level of stress?

2.10pm
I cursed like hell, while waiting for the bus for 10 minutes. With my messy behaviour of my body system, I swirled down to level of stress to maximum. Memorising the notes at last minutes did not, either.

2.20pm
I felt like shitting, maybe I was too nervous.Plus, seeing my lecturers there did make me feel guilty of crime ( not attending lecture and being proactive )I made. Nervous, nervous, nervous.

5pm
Left the Exam hall, leaving behind whatever I already did, my best. I meet Aida and chatted with her a while before I alighted and walked home, Actually walking under the rain could be very threpautic. It remind me of My childhood at Kampung and Brunei trip. Those things only could make me smile to myself like Idiot.

Beautiful Sight

7pm
Did my hand analyis online for fun.Try Yourself. Nothing better to do especially post-exam ( one paper only ).

My right palm

The analysis stated that:


Your strong, deeply etched lifeline reveals a strong nervous system. In addition to that it reveals an equally strong physical constitution. The stronger the life line, the stronger the overall constitution, ensuring that there is stamina, vitality and good health.

You are a person more likely to succumb to illness more easily and take longer to recover. With the nervous system being more sensitive and finely tuned, mental or emotional stress will play a large part in the overall physical well being.

You are hard working, alert and work according to a planned scheme. You are quite willing to follow rules and regulations and also to have continuity in a family business.

You are wise and intelligent. You carry out your activities with forethought and conviction. Sensitivity of nature becomes very noticeable.Your moodiness is often uncontrollable, in the sense that the company of people you may be in will dictate your moods.

You are a person with a cold, unemotional nature with an inability to express love . You are more likely to consider the practical aspects of marriage.

You devote your feelings to a cause. Emotionally you throw yourself in to whatever you are attracted to which means that everything else takes second place. This attraction is mainly related to work and career.

You may not be trustworthy. You are adept at telling lies.

You will be active right up into old age.

You will be blessed with a stable relationship.

You may undertake many travels to many places.

You may be healthy,wealthy and may lead an honourable life.

You are a prominent intellectual.You mnay be a topnotch scientist,philosopher and thinker.You are likely to attain complete success in any task you undertake in your life.

You may be afflicted by some very serious health ailments from the point of time as indicated by your health line.

There are some things need to learn, some need to improve, some to take note and some to get rid of.

8.30pm
I watched the result show of Singapore Idol. I was quite surpised that Daphne WAS SAFE and Olinda was bottom two.My purpose of watching Singapore was watching Taufik and Olinda's performance.They got idol standard but Daphne made me cringed and Slyster, despite a good vocal, was too rock-able to my liking. He reminded me of Brent. Euwww!

11.30pm
I drove to NTU canteen A to revise Law of Engineering.I love open book examination,I had another shot of coffee depsite making a resolution not to have any coffee because of dehydrating factor.Yes, I looked very tired again. Not to mention those thousands of spot on my face. Time for a visit to Fashion Doctors.

I guessed it might be my pillow that caused the pimples

Wide smile

Being me

Doomsday

This is going to be a very long entry. Just be prepared!

In conjuction with the US presidential election result, the winner was the person whom my mum and I despised most, apparently, we are not the only one. Anyway, we never knew what will happened next in next four year. I would not anticpated much with enthuasism.Eminem ( the rest of the celebrities), your message did not work well with American. Watch MTV. It was very interesting bush-Bashing MTV, after Madonna's American life MTV.

Intro:

(Kids: I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America..

(BOOM)

(Kids: And to the Republic..)

Eminem: People..

(Kids: For which it stands..)

Eminem: Hahaha..

(Kids: One nation under God.. Indivisible..)

Eminem: It feels so good to be back!

Verse 1:

I scrutinize every word, memorize every line
I spit it once, refuel, re-energize and rewind
I give sight to the blind, my insight's through the mind
I exercise my right to express when I feel it's time
It's just all in your mind - what you interpret it as
I say to fight, you take it as I'ma whip someone’s ass
If you don't understand, don't even bother to ask
A father who has grown up with a father-less past
Who has blown up now to rap phenomenon
That has, or at least shows, no difficulty multi-taskin' and juggling both
Perhaps mastered-his-craft slash entrepreneur
Who has helped launch a few more rap-bags
Who’s had a few obstacles thrown his way
Through the last half of his career
Typical manure, moving past that
Mister kiss-his-ass-crack, he’s a class-act
Rubber-band man, yeah, he just snaps back

Chorus:

Come along, follow me, as I lead through the darkness
As I provide just enough spark that we need to proceed
Carry on, give me hope, give me strength
Come with me, and I wont steer you wrong
Put your faith in your trust, as I guide us through the fog
To the light at the end of the tunnel we gon’ fight
We gon' charge, we gon' stomp
We gon' march through the swamp
We gon' mosh through the marsh
Take us right through the doors
Come on..

Verse 2:

All the people up top, on the side and the middle
Come together, let's all form this swamp just a little
Just let it gradually build, from the front to the back
All you can see is a sea of people, some white and some black
No matter what color, all that matters we're gathered together
To celebrate for the same cause, no matter the weather
If it rains, let it rain
Yeah, the wetter the better
They ain't gon’ stop us - they can't
We're stronger now, more then ever
They tell us "No", we say "Yeah"
They tell us "Stop", we say "Go"
Rebel with a rebel yell
Raise hell - we gon’ let em know
Stomp, push, shove, mush..
Fuck Bush
Until they bring our troops home, c'mon, just..

Chorus:

Come along, follow me as I lead through the darkness
As I provide just enough spark that we need to proceed
Carry on, give me hope, give me strength
Come with me, and I wont steer you wrong
Put your faith in your trust, as I guide us through the fog
To the light at the end of the tunnel we gon’ fight
We gon' charge, we gon’ stomp
We gon' march through the swamp
We gon' mosh through the marsh
Take us right through the doors
Come on..

Verse 3:

Imagine it pourin’, it's rainin’ down on us
Moshpits outside the oval office
Someone’s tryin to tell us something
Maybe this is God just sayin' we're responsible
For this monster - this coward that we have empowered
This is Bin Laden
Look at his head noddin’
How could we allow something like this without pumpin' our fists
Now, this is our final hour
Let me be the voice, and your strength and your choice
Let me simplify the rhyme just to amplify the noise
Try to amplify it, times it, and multiply it by sixteen million
People are equal at this high pitch
Maybe we can reach al CIAda through my speech
Let the president answer our high anarchy
Strap him with a AK-47, let him go fight his own war
Let him impress daddy that way
No more blood for oil, we got our own battles to fight on our own soil
No more psychological warfare to trick us to thinking that we ain’t loyal
If we don’t serve our own country, we’re patronizing our hero
Look in his eyes, its all lies
The stars and stripes, have been swiped
Washed out and wiped and replaced with his own face
Mosh now or die
If I get sniped tonight, you’ll know why
‘Cuz I told you to fight

Chorus:

Come along, follow me as I lead through the darkness
As I provide just enough spark that we need to proceed
Carry on, give me hope, give me strength
Come with me, and I wont steer you wrong
Put your faith in your trust, as I guide us through the fog
To the light at the end of the tunnel we gon' fight
We gon' charge, we gon' stomp
We gon' march through the swamp
We gon' mosh through the marsh
Take us right through the doors
Come on

Outro:

Eminem: And as we proceed to mosh through this desert storm.. in these closing statements, if they should argue, let us beg to differ.. as we set aside our differences, and assemble our own army to disarm this weapon of mass destruction that we call our president for the present.. and mosh for the future of our next generation.. to speak and be heard.. Mr President.. Mr Senator..


(Kids: Hear us, hear us?.. Hahaha)

WANTED

Now Let's Hear from this man

WANTED TOO

Somehow, He could run the presidential post in US. Look how amazing, he wrote the speech in very political, charismatic and provoking way. Even Kerry could not be that great than Osama.There are some truth about US policy.

______________

Praise be to Allah who created the creation for his worship and commanded them to be just and permitted the wronged one to retaliate against the oppressor in kind. To proceed:

Peace be upon he who follows the guidance: People of America this talk of mine is for you and concerns the ideal way to prevent another Manhattan, and deals with the war and its causes and results.

Before I begin, I say to you that security is an indispensable pillar of human life and that free men do not forfeit their security, contrary to Bush's claim that we hate freedom.

If so, then let him explain to us why we don't strike for example - Sweden? And we know that freedom-haters don't possess defiant spirits like those of the 19 - may Allah have mercy on them.

No, we fight because we are free men who don't sleep under oppression. We want to restore freedom to our nation, just as you lay waste to our nation. So shall we lay waste to yours.

No one except a dumb thief plays with the security of others and then makes himself believe he will be secure. Whereas thinking people, when disaster strikes, make it their priority to look for its causes, in order to prevent it happening again.

But I am amazed at you. Even though we are in the fourth year after the events of September 11th, Bush is still engaged in distortion, deception and hiding from you the real causes. And thus, the reasons are still there for a repeat of what occurred.

So I shall talk to you about the story behind those events and shall tell you truthfully about the moments in which the decision was taken, for you to consider.

I say to you, Allah knows that it had never occurred to us to strike the towers. But after it became unbearable and we witnessed the oppression and tyranny of the American/Israeli coalition against our people in Palestine and Lebanon, it came to my mind.

The events that affected my soul in a direct way started in 1982 when America permitted the Israelis to invade Lebanon and the American Sixth Fleet helped them in that. This bombardment began and many were killed and injured and others were terrorised and displaced.

I couldn't forget those moving scenes, blood and severed limbs, women and children sprawled everywhere. Houses destroyed along with their occupants and high rises demolished over their residents, rockets raining down on our home without mercy.

The situation was like a crocodile meeting a helpless child, powerless except for his screams. Does the crocodile understand a conversation that doesn't include a weapon? And the whole world saw and heard but it didn't respond.

In those difficult moments many hard-to-describe ideas bubbled in my soul, but in the end they produced an intense feeling of rejection of tyranny, and gave birth to a strong resolve to punish the oppressors.

And as I looked at those demolished towers in Lebanon, it entered my mind that we should punish the oppressor in kind and that we should destroy towers in America in order that they taste some of what we tasted and so that they be deterred from killing our women and children.

And that day, it was confirmed to me that oppression and the intentional killing of innocent women and children is a deliberate American policy. Destruction is freedom and democracy, while resistance is terrorism and intolerance.

This means the oppressing and embargoing to death of millions as Bush Sr did in Iraq in the greatest mass slaughter of children mankind has ever known, and it means the throwing of millions of pounds of bombs and explosives at millions of children - also in Iraq - as Bush Jr did, in order to remove an old agent and replace him with a new puppet to assist in the pilfering of Iraq's oil and other outrages.

So with these images and their like as their background, the events of September 11th came as a reply to those great wrongs, should a man be blamed for defending his sanctuary?

Is defending oneself and punishing the aggressor in kind, objectionable terrorism? If it is such, then it is unavoidable for us.

This is the message which I sought to communicate to you in word and deed, repeatedly, for years before September 11th.

And you can read this, if you wish, in my interview with Scott in Time Magazine in 1996, or with Peter Arnett on CNN in 1997, or my meeting with John Weiner in 1998.

You can observe it practically, if you wish, in Kenya and Tanzania and in Aden. And you can read it in my interview with Abdul Bari Atwan, as well as my interviews with Robert Fisk.

The latter is one of your compatriots and co-religionists and I consider him to be neutral. So are the pretenders of freedom at the White House and the channels controlled by them able to run an interview with him? So that he may relay to the American people what he has understood from us to be the reasons for our fight against you?

If you were to avoid these reasons, you will have taken the correct path that will lead America to the security that it was in before September 11th. This concerned the causes of the war.

As for it's results, they have been, by the grace of Allah, positive and enormous, and have, by all standards, exceeded all expectations. This is due to many factors, chief among them, that we have found it difficult to deal with the Bush administration in light of the resemblance it bears to the regimes in our countries, half of which are ruled by the military and the other half which are ruled by the sons of kings and presidents.

Our experience with them is lengthy, and both types are replete with those who are characterised by pride, arrogance, greed and misappropriation of wealth. This resemblance began after the visits of Bush Sr to the region.

At a time when some of our compatriots were dazzled by America and hoping that these visits would have an effect on our countries, all of a sudden he was affected by those monarchies and military regimes, and became envious of their remaining decades in their positions, to embezzle the public wealth of the nation without supervision or accounting.

So he took dictatorship and suppression of freedoms to his son and they named it the Patriot Act, under the pretence of fighting terrorism. In addition, Bush sanctioned the installing of sons as state governors, and didn't forget to import expertise in election fraud from the region's presidents to Florida to be made use of in moments of difficulty.

All that we have mentioned has made it easy for us to provoke and bait this administration. All that we have to do is to send two mujahidin to the furthest point east to raise a piece of cloth on which is written al-Qaida, in order to make the generals race there to cause America to suffer human, economic, and political losses without their achieving for it anything of note other than some benefits for their private companies.

This is in addition to our having experience in using guerrilla warfare and the war of attrition to fight tyrannical superpowers, as we, alongside the mujahidin, bled Russia for 10 years, until it went bankrupt and was forced to withdraw in defeat.

All Praise is due to Allah.

So we are continuing this policy in bleeding America to the point of bankruptcy. Allah willing, and nothing is too great for Allah.

That being said, those who say that al-Qaida has won against the administration in the White House or that the administration has lost in this war have not been precise, because when one scrutinises the results, one cannot say that al-Qaida is the sole factor in achieving those spectacular gains.

Rather, the policy of the White House that demands the opening of war fronts to keep busy their various corporations - whether they be working in the field of arms or oil or reconstruction - has helped al-Qaida to achieve these enormous results.

And so it has appeared to some analysts and diplomats that the White House and us are playing as one team towards the economic goals of the United States, even if the intentions differ.

And it was to these sorts of notions and their like that the British diplomat and others were referring in their lectures at the Royal Institute of International Affairs. [When they pointed out that] for example, al-Qaida spent $500,000 on the event, while America, in the incident and its aftermath, lost - according to the lowest estimate - more than $500 billion.

Meaning that every dollar of al-Qaida defeated a million dollars by the permission of Allah, besides the loss of a huge number of jobs.

As for the size of the economic deficit, it has reached record astronomical numbers estimated to total more than a trillion dollars.

And even more dangerous and bitter for America is that the mujahidin recently forced Bush to resort to emergency funds to continue the fight in Afghanistan and Iraq, which is evidence of the success of the bleed-until-bankruptcy plan - with Allah's permission.

It is true that this shows that al-Qaida has gained, but on the other hand, it shows that the Bush administration has also gained, something of which anyone who looks at the size of the contracts acquired by the shady Bush administration-linked mega-corporations, like Halliburton and its kind, will be convinced. And it all shows that the real loser is ... you.

It is the American people and their economy. And for the record, we had agreed with the Commander-General Muhammad Ataa, Allah have mercy on him, that all the operations should be carried out within 20 minutes, before Bush and his administration notice.

It never occurred to us that the commander-in-chief of the American armed forces would abandon 50,000 of his citizens in the twin towers to face those great horrors alone, the time when they most needed him.

But because it seemed to him that occupying himself by talking to the little girl about the goat and its butting was more important than occupying himself with the planes and their butting of the skyscrapers, we were given three times the period required to execute the operations - all praise is due to Allah.

And it's no secret to you that the thinkers and perceptive ones from among the Americans warned Bush before the war and told him: "All that you want for securing America and removing the weapons of mass destruction - assuming they exist - is available to you, and the nations of the world are with you in the inspections, and it is in the interest of America that it not be thrust into an unjustified war with an unknown outcome."

But the darkness of the black gold blurred his vision and insight, and he gave priority to private interests over the public interests of America.

So the war went ahead, the death toll rose, the American economy bled, and Bush became embroiled in the swamps of Iraq that threaten his future. He fits the saying "like the naughty she-goat who used her hoof to dig up a knife from under the earth".

So I say to you, over 15,000 of our people have been killed and tens of thousands injured, while more than a thousand of you have been killed and more than 10,000 injured. And Bush's hands are stained with the blood of all those killed from both sides, all for the sake of oil and keeping their private companies in business.

Be aware that it is the nation who punishes the weak man when he causes the killing of one of its citizens for money, while letting the powerful one get off, when he causes the killing of more than 1000 of its sons, also for money.

And the same goes for your allies in Palestine. They terrorise the women and children, and kill and capture the men as they lie sleeping with their families on the mattresses, that you may recall that for every action, there is a reaction.

Finally, it behoves you to reflect on the last wills and testaments of the thousands who left you on the 11th as they gestured in despair. They are important testaments, which should be studied and researched.

Among the most important of what I read in them was some prose in their gestures before the collapse, where they say: "How mistaken we were to have allowed the White House to implement its aggressive foreign policies against the weak without supervision."

It is as if they were telling you, the people of America: "Hold to account those who have caused us to be killed, and happy is he who learns from others' mistakes."

And among that which I read in their gestures is a verse of poetry. "Injustice chases its people, and how unhealthy the bed of tyranny."

As has been said: "An ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure."

And know that: "It is better to return to the truth than persist in error." And that the wise man doesn't squander his security, wealth and children for the sake of the liar in the White House.

In conclusion, I tell you in truth, that your security is not in the hands of Kerry, nor Bush, nor al-Qaida. No.

Your security is in your own hands. And every state that doesn't play with our security has automatically guaranteed its own security.

And Allah is our Guardian and Helper, while you have no Guardian or Helper. All peace be upon he who follows the Guidance

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ENOUGH of politic. It gave me creep when I started to imagine two of them meet with each other.It would be like Lucifer VS Satan in th Earth and We, human would run for our life aimlessley, being laughed by th God. Chilling!

Anyway, I was being awaken by my cat again until she gave up her task and began to sleep beside me. How sweet! Then my mind started to think about my exam and my alck of revision. I just could not sleep yet could not rise.Eventually, I finished my slumber dream and woke up to my harsh reality. Today i did not go to school but did my revision at Gek Poh Community Center Study room. I simply hated memorising facts.

I called,or rather disturbed Hung Yong to ask him for the tips on the paper tommorow. I desperately needed to do all the question because I did not do class presentation which consist of 30% of the total subject result. Now, I needed to do some reading up on Marketing again. I watched Singapore Idol and Taufik impressed me with Love Keep us together in his own redition. That song was my favourite after Trenyce sang duing American Idol last year. He did remarkable job singing that song. Guess I would vote for him this time. Good luck Taufik.You made me smile with that song, man.

Then I went to school at 1030pm. Came to realise that I sat quite close to the girl whom I hated in NTU. Yes, It really made me lost concentration. Hence, after 30 minutes, I drove to NIE canteen.I was surpised that it was quite deserted there.During my period, It sure packed with student mugging at NIE canteen. Around 3am, I was alone there, study. Seriously, I hated studying alone in such quiet and deserted place. One never knew what is lurking around that place. Hence, Id rove back to canteen A and started my revision, until the light started to shut down at 315am. Guess time to go back home and rest.

Rest Day

12pm

Just woke up despite having wake-up call by my cat so many times (purposely opened the door so that she could enter and disturbed me ).I checked my handphone for any important sms.I did not receive any so I went back to sleep in my parents room.

1.30pm
I woke up again, took a bath, did some timetable for today, the weather was very nice and shiny, hence I took mrt to Little India. I did some reading on M144 notes.I was being distracted by teenagers in worst latest fashion. Maybe I was too old.Suddenly, it started to rain very heavily.

3.30pm
I reached Little India but lost my way to Mustafa Center. I just follwed my intution and bingo reached there in 15 minutes time. I was fascinated with the colourful displays and decorations along the Serangoon Road. I felt like a curious tourist without camera. I should go at night to see the lights.

3.45
I walked around to look for some beauty products* smile* - moisturizing, cleanising facial foam, hair wax and bio-essence product for my mum and myself, undeniably. I walked back to Farrer Park LRT and changed station to Outram Park.

4.30
I was beside the groups of ITE students.One of them dropped the handphone on the escalator. HE tried to look for it. But then . his friends and I saw soemone picked up the phone on the top of escalator and he just walked away ,after seeing no one claiming for it. That guy came back empty-handed, realising that his phone, was gone...forever. And I was so pissed ( for fun) at his friends for being stupid and did not help their friend retrieve the phone from that stranger. Inside the cabin, it took a while before one of them suggested to call his number. But to realise that, the handphone was switched off. Expected. I witness the stupidity and the true meaning of friendship from this bunch of idiots. I felt so disgusted with his friends attitude. theye even mocked at him for being careless. *ROLL EYES*

5pm
I stopped at Jurong East MRT station and took bus 334. I went to the Bazaar where they sell so many delicacies and foods. I stopped by to buy pohpiah and vege curry puff

6pm
I reached home, did solution on A math assessment for my neighbour's daughter.I spent my time watching TV insetad of studying.

9pm
I drove back to school to study in the library,ended up updating my journal. I needed to buck up and concentrate on my revision, since the next two paper depended on my memorizing skills.

11
I got warning sign that the computer was going to shut off in 15 minutes time.i chatted with this babe in the library who squattered in her friend's hall 13. She is so pretty, and well-dressed. But attached to ugly guy. Sighs!

1130pm
I drove to canteeb B and continued studying for M443 and M144.I found M144 very fascinating. I learnt more about the law in more details.

4am
I drove back home. luckily my father was awaked because I did not bring my house key.

First Exam

Today, I went to school early to do some final adjustment for my FYP report. Finally, seeing my report being printed and binded beautiful is kind of relieve. Whatever the result I might get ( I mean the result here is not academic but the relevance or the standard my supervisor will expect from me ) I quickly passed the report to him and he wanted to discuss the presentation with me. Yes, the date was fixed on 16th Wed Nov after my exam around 3-4pm. I needed to prepare at least 20 slides and gave the soft-copy to him around deepavali for em to see and adjust. I still got one more paper the next day and it falls in the morning. I just wanted to rushed back to library to revise for my next paper which i was not even did anything about it.

Once I about to sit, I receive the call from my researcher to request for my soft-copy of my report but I told him I needed to do revision but I guessed he acted blur and insisted on giving to him then. I burnt the cd and walked to his office and passed to him. He wasn't pleased with my attitude but I was not in the mood to do anything except revising. For two hours, I tried very hard to memorize whatever information.

At 1.20pm, I sat down and started to take a nap whole waiting for the examiner to say ' You can turn over the paper and start NOW' I was really very tired. My mind gone blank, TOTALLY. Seriousl, I kept flipping and staring at the paper for 1/2 hour. I did not want to be the first one to fail General Elective. Sometimes our brain really could work wonders under pressure. Most of the questions, I answer with my bullshit, tonnes of them. I totally forgot the facts because I ha no eneough sleep. Once I had momentum to write down something, I would continued writing till the time'up. God Bless me!

I went home to sleep, under nice weather. Then I gave tuition , last one to my neighbour's daugther and hoped to wish her best for exam. After that, I did a thorough cleaning in my room. Yes, my room. It was filled with creepy crawlies, soiled clothes and papers. Even my cat did not dare to enter inside. Now, I was done my cleaning at 3am. My notes were properly stacked. Even my cat happily took a nap on my sofa. She's such a beautiful creature.

I watched the program about sleep depravation and its effect on discovery channel.Gosh! It was so coincidental that i was really deprived of sleep and I was watching it on discovery channel. What is this, a sign from heaven? So, I learnt from the the documentary that I needed sleep every much especially duringe xam where one's mind need to absorb so many data and won't work if the brain was evry tired. Guessed it did happen just now. Mental Block!

Time to sleep.

Sleeping

Relieve

I had never been update for three day becaus ei need to complete the FYP report. YEs, It is really three days torture and I did not even start any revision yet. I had my first paper tommorow. Anyway it was General Elective but the problem is It is similar to General Paper. And I hate General Paper.

Recap for me for weekend
1) Rain Heavily, so did not wish to drive out. No haloween party. My mind was filled with stress of completing teh report
2) Did not meet up Bee Lan , guess she might busy
3) Did not turn up for Kern bday party.Argh

Sunday
1) whole day doing FYP ins chool...Seems things gone wrong when we wanted to do things right and fast. Why!??
2) Panicked that i did not have CDR to burn 5Mb of files. Plus the sign displayed that the computer would be automatically shut up in 10 minutes did not help me eitheir. Calm down and email to myself though NTU account. SAFE.

Today, spent again whole day doing FYP...like i was the only one.My cashcard no money..cannot print colour pages.... went home catch some sleep since lst nigh speant whole day awake. .....Receive NTU call...It might my supervisor or reseracher. Oh no...DIE... i delay three days liao..i gone bonkers

Now (1034pm) at school typing entry....sigh of relieve....can concentrate study AGAIN. Must buck up. I dun care about other minor thingies except claer all my subject. Life is too short..So dun bothered much about what would happeend next. Life is learning process until u see tunnel of light ahead you...maybe darkness depens on how saintly you are. Me, an angel..of course shed light loh...