Missing you

Tomorrow marked a new month.Seriously, i had nothing o brag about for this month.The life journey had been a challenging and difficult ever since. Exam period would be coming soon.The period which I would look haggard, tired and pressurized. That would be equvailent to being ugly. I should endure and continued fighting the last battle of the 2004.

Age was really catching up. I could not be able to stay overnight or even sleep for only a few hours. I need plenty of sleep ( minimum of 6 hours ) or else I would age fast and imagine looking old at young age.Worse, looking more matured than my father, that called disaster. Time to find solution about slowing down the ageing process. I am anti-ageing.

I missed collecting stamps and saving squirrel
I missed writing poems during my literature class
I missed going to singapore science centre
I missed chap teh
I missed 60c nasi lemak at secondary school canteen
I missed playing catching
I missed collecting durians and rambutan with friends at Lim CHu Kang
I missed police and thief
I missed hanging out at the canal near PIE
I missed playing basketball at Jurong Community Center
I missed my first crush, Megah Ningsih
I missed being monitor
I missed Willy Wonka and his chocolate factory
I missed my retro spect
I missed making science project
I missed polishing my boot during NPCC
I missed KrissKross jeans
I missed my pager
I missed technical class
I missed shooting air rifle
I missed playing pranks on my friends
I missed striking conversation with my friends about sex ( we were just reached puberty and curious)
I missed my youth

BITCH

I am so pissed off that I could help but blasted that Girl A off. She deduced that I did not do my part and blamed me that report was not complete because of my parts. I was like being slapped on my face. Gosh! I was the oen who did the most work and research for them plus I was doing the part which was just recently taught ( cost estimates ). I just argued with her. I told her off that anything I would sms shuyin about it. She blasted me for showing favoritism to one because this is the group work and i should inform and ask for help from everyone. I was like slapping her damn hard. Shu yin was the only one who contacted me. The rest just smsed me for help and reminding me. And she called that as help. Whatever. I just could not be bothered and I knew it was going to be a hell tomoorow.But of cos I must have proper knowledge to tell them off.

I hate FYP

Today I did not expect to anticipate ill-luck today. Apparently, I skipped my tutorial because I need to do my lab. But when I entered the lab, I saw the sign showing " All are to wear covered shoes while in the lab. Violators are told not to enter." . Shit ! I wore sandals and apparently I had to go home to wear shoes. Time really wasted. I came abck at 1230pm to continue my lab for whole day. Seriously, time wasted just like that , manning the process that involved with changes of time.

I also got a bit paranoid about having quiz later. I looked more like freak, worrying too much as the I had only few weeks to exam and maybe out of the school. What maybe. Yes ! I am going to be out of NTU and write the new chapter of life. Not sure I would miss school life, but definitely I felt regretted during my course of life. I did not make an effort to enjoy my school life, including making more new friends.

My researcher ask me to book XRD equipment on Monday.It meant that I ahd to do one more lab session. Gosh!I just finished up all my lab as per normal. I amanged to chat with the guy who did FYP also.He was supposed to meet his supervisor who was also mine. I went to the tutorial and no quiz at all. Then finished my project and rushed home. i hated to go back at 5.30-6pm because the bus-stop would be very crowded.Hence I walked to hall 2 and took a bus there.I did not want to miss Ode to life serial.

Moodday

What a good day to start for today. I was sitting beside Felicia Yip without realizing. Luckily she said hi to me. I miised her chirpiness. She was one of the fun pack in Union. I remembered she, felecia, bee lan, hung yong and me helping out for hall 13 orientation camp. We had so much fun - those silly cheers and prata thingy. Been months when I met he last at People Park Centre when I was searching for good travel agency for its good bangkok trip package. Now her working place is near to Hung yong's. Nice to meet her and sure to contact her again.

Then I was being greeted by Victor, my former jc mate. He also was going to work too at 10am. A bit luckier than Felicia. We did some fast catching up. Been a long time too. I usually met him at the club but now I minimised, really to minimum, my clubbing. Nice bumping into them

Nothing much to do yet there were always things to be done.I need hel. i need counselling.My life suppsoed to have a purpose...a direction.Sometimes it may seem like no one really cares; but people do care, actually.I was just blinded with certain sins.Sins which I could not bear to carry. My life is not that perfect and definitely nobody would have life full or roses, without being pricked by the thorn. Nobody's perfect. Who knows I'll be gone before they knew.I was just doing my best( out of my life). In few days time, I was going to leave September and time flied so fast, too fast.I need to achieve more.I want more.

Family Affairs

Today,My mum woke me up at 10am and that was early for me, telling me to wrap the gift for my auntie house-warming party later. What a day to start when my cat accompanied and watched me wrapping the gift.How sweet!

Then we took a taxi to Woodlands and recahed there at 12pm. I was so hungry but the food were not yet prepared. I ended up eating peas and peas with my uncle and grandfather. I was really bored to tears plus I was so sleepy. My mum asked me to eat Nonya Laksa first because most of the guests were be coming at 2pm. The laksa was damn delicious and spicy. I love laksa but making laksa was one of tedious work to do. Then my other uncle brought his children.I prefer his youngest son. I love him so much and I guessed he love me too despite not knowing how I am. He resembled my grandfather when young. I did not know that the children love me so much. I felt that I am ready for fatherhood. Or maybe not. My aunties were so surpised that I knew how to carry less than a month year old baby, unlike my sister. Plus point to impress the girl.I was just gifted.

Then when all the guests came, I started to eat whatever spread on the buffet table except beef. I would get bloated and un-healthy to eat those meats. Not that I treated the cows as scared creature but for healthy reasons. I got bored around 4pm, hence I took my younger uncle's van who was going to send my other grandaunties home at Boon Lay. Since It was on the way home, might as well to hop in. The time taken from woodlands to Jurong was long enough to make me sleep on mrt.

Reached home at 6pm. Eat yesterday nasi briyani and enjoyed my new website.I was such a genius to create one more journal.At 8pm, I had tuition with my neighbour and then went back home and prepare for tommorow. It would eb going to be busy week before I enjoyed my new month.

Boredom

I did not slept whole day, just to do presentation. Plus, spending whole night doing CAD design using SketchUp 4.0 was really futile attempt. I should catch my sleep. I went to King Albert Park to study for whole afternoon. It was packed but the crowd was the factor that motivated me to study. I was not weirdo to enjoy studying in such environment.If I was one, then I guessed those who studied there are bunch of weirdos. Untrue statements. I was so motivated to study more when I heard thses students came from far just came to King Albert Park to study hard as well as enjoy friend's company. For me, I had no one to study with because most of them graduated and I was not. I enjoyed the new prawn burger meal while doing my revision.

Time's up and I went to HMV to check out the latest music in town. I love HMV because so many beautiful people hanging out there. There was one jazz album by this beautiful singer ( I forgot her name ) singing most of the Dionne warwick cover songs including Home is not a Home, Walk on By, Say a little prayer and other in jazzy way. I thought it was nice but I just ahd no money to buy one. Gone!

I went to the Boat Quay to check out the Mooncake festival by the river. It was crowded and colourful. THe scenery was magnicficent especially the super long dragon display shoned by the river.I felt like a foreigner, wandering around one of the places of interests in Singapore, Singapore River. Concidently, I was treated like a foreigners, by the passer-bys and shop owners. Maybe my sense of dressing.Maybe My looks.Maybe my curiosity.Maybe here and there.

Friday Child

Nothing much today, considered happening to my life. I went to Gek Poh McDonald to do my CA assignment. I ordered Fillet O fish EVM , which I really did not know why I ordered that meal because I really hated fillet O fish burger. It was the most over-priced burger among the burgers in McDonalds. Just a fillet and sour mayo that cost $3.Anyway, I had trouble doing my assignment but I somehow amanged to do revision on the subjects. I knew I could not get a answer in the end.Hence I just did my best to secure certain marks , rather than just gave up and not submit the assignment.

I spent whole day trying ahrd to grasp 6 months of topics that being covered in one day. Impossible! I could say I managed to grasp at least 40% and I was proud of myself. I went to school at 3pm, looking for the seat to continue my assignment. I just skipped the part that need to use MATLAB. At 5.30pm, I went to the office and slotted my assignment under the door. I went back , feeling achieved.

Nothing much to do today, I was ready to dressed up but when I looked at the time ( it was 8.30pm) , I felt it would be waste of time going to town now. Hence I changed back and continued watching TV. I received Yee Kuan sms about what my plan was. Too bad, my sis was not around. Hence I replied her that I might stay at home.Anyway I spent whole day and night clenaing my messy room, the living hall, washing dishes, ironing my clothes, washing laundryn and sorting my notes. Again, I felt achieved again. Hope to give my mum a surpise when she came back from Indonesia tommorow.

WASTED

Today I supposed to do my FYP but to realise my researcher used the auto-lab and somehow it took him almost whole day. I had no time doing my project. At 3pm, I managed to use but somehow I was really not in the mood to do it because I wasted whole day doing nothing. I could have done other stuff like gym or even revision. Damn! Now I tried hard to find time to do my project as well as draft. I did some AC deposition before I started to packed and went back home.

I watched Singapore Idol: Unsung Heroes. I thought the title hid the hidden agenda. Unsung could be meant insignificant or in good word, having value that is not acknowledged.Then I went for a non-stop jogging with Aaron who stay near me.He need to prepare for his IPPT . Luckily I had someone to jog with as I was quite bad in running. No stamina at all. Worse I was getting more bulky. We went to the new place, somewhere near Jalan Bahar. It was new experience for me because the place was really deserted and peaceful.

Then after jogging, he show me his garden, sort of. He really had passion for gardening, just like me , a green-fingered. But i gave up gardening because I had not ime taking care of the plants. Seeing the plants just left and died, very disturbing. It's like I gave life and destroyed life. It needed nurture, patience and a lot of love to look after the plants.

Like I said, I should start gardening as patience management.

Angel

Love


?? Which Angel Or Demon Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

Oprah: Welcome back to the show. Let's welcome Esjay back for the second interview and this time would be more open than previous one.

Esjay: Hi, Oprah. Thank you again. Just bombard me with your questions.Hit me hard.

Oprah: Sure.Previously I mentioned about calling people such rude names to other ,I mean you did that.

Esjay: Everyone does that. Anyway they love to hear that, Although they did not say it out, from the bottom of their heart, they were more than willing to accept and agree. You know, about bringing those you do not know down. It's human nature yet they can deny it. They were not sorry for that.

Oprah: You play a bad guy?

Esjay: Always.I think it would be kind of boring if everyone really just loved me a hundred percent.I'd rather walk through the fire, than around it.

Oprah: Hmm. But is it good to be so opinionated?

Esjay: Good and Bad.Good to let people hear you out but it can bad if you cannot express yourself. I can be blunt at times.Hence they punished for telling them my stories and silenced me with bitterness and lie.Like you say, that actor took my words and made a trap for silly fools.And then depressed other by expressing negativity through words.

Oprah: It was harsh. Words can really cut like a knife.

Esjay:I could not ask them to stop shutting their gap, right. But times would eventually let them go of abusing as well as healing me.Kinda of sad that I'm breaking all the rules I did not make.

Oprah: Let's talk about you being oversaying about how good looking you are?

Esjay laughs.

Esjay: Did I? Like i said, I did not mean it.

Oprah interrupted and ask: Are you good looking?

Esjay:Beauty is the eyes of beholder.I do look good and begin to love how I look nowadays. But saying how better looking I am compared to other strangers was really absurd.I did make certain comparison with certain friends , but usually in light-headed manner.That was bad traits.I need to improve.

Oprah: How you rate yourself?

Esjay: I do not think that was right to describe oneself.It can be very beautifully said.Some people are born with conventional good looks. I do not have such looks but I am considered myself as exotically appealing. laughs.

Oprah:E xotic? or iconic looks?

Esjay: Iconic look. I like that. Like Madonna.She was not pretty but her confidence and being comfortable with how she looks and dress which make her so appealing and beautiful in some or more ways. Maybe, that might fit me like glove.Being comfortable and accept what I am.

Oprah: So you do not look normal?

Esjay: There is no such thing as normal

Oprah: You're not ugly?

Esjay: Everyone is born beautiful and still beautiful. What make difference is how much you love yourself. Peopl love to gauge themselves against those models or celebrities.It was really low esteem way to improve oneself. I want to be like him or him or him. Why they did not say to themselves I want to be me. They don't make us look beautiful, we make we look beautiful!

Oprah: Well-said. But are you sure you have anyone in mind as gauge?

Esjay: Truthfully,I have. Jonathan pang was my alter ego.But I do not pretend and trying hard to be like him. We are just two worlds apart. He was just somehow like a virtual guideline.

Oprah: A virtual guideline?

Esjay: yeah. guideline to look good. laughs.I somehow look like him in certain ways. But in most ways, we are still two worlds apart.

Oprah: Enough of the face value. You are comfortable with yourself and hey you do look good.

Applause.

Esjay: thank you.

Oprah: Let's talk about more sensitive topic. Money?

Esjay: oh no!

Oprah:You have tendency to borrow money and did not return?

Esjay: Hey! that was so ridiculous.I did return money, just the deadline was being extended.truthfully I had no discipline to save money and return to rightful owners.Eventually, they would still get their money back.Just treat me like some virtual bank who keep their money safely.

Oprah: Why you borrow?

Esjay: Well, I thank people who willing to borrow large sum to me;That show the level of trust and true friendship they put in me.I was blessed though they may not be blessed to have me as a friend.Laugh. Certain events which I tried to keep secret from my parents and I was desperate for a large sum to settle.There was no one to turn to but close friends.I was thankful for that.

Oprah: And you did not return?

Esjay: That claim pissed me off. It involved money yet some people make such remarks saying that I did not return back.I can sue him for slander. He is the one who still not return my favourite Green Gio tee. Laugh. I can say that he heard and made the word up based on his narrow-minded analysis.

Oprah: Another statements based on 'say what you heard than you listen' mentality?

Esjay: True. At a time when political correctness is valued over honesty, I would just like to say 'Right on, Motherfuckers' - everyone is a winner!

Oprah: But you still owe him money?

Esjay: True I do. But he better jolly well know why I borrowed the money for.

Oprah: Why?

Esjay: Let's say I was very trueful to friendship. He was down and sad at that time and he asked me out.Hence as a friend, I hope to be there, just being there as a friend.I even tried hard to persuade my mum to borrow car to go the destination fast as it was impossible to reach at stipualted. He wanted to go for relaxation but I did not have money and declined. He suggested to lend me money to accompany him. Reluctantly, I accepted it and just did as friend did. He did not know the petrol did cost money too. I was quite financial tight at that time.

Oprah: Noble guy.

Esjay: Thank you. Sometimes, they should realized that heartache isn't going anywhere.In the public eye I act like I don't care
When there's no one watching me,I'm disappointed.When my world seems to crumble all around and foolish people try to bring me down. I still have good friends around.At least this diamond magazine taught me to respect myself, more. I was not going to pretend saying that life is fair.Ignorance is not bliss.

Oprah: Talking about friendship,Do all your good friends running away from you?

Esjay laughs.

Esjay: Do they? I still contacted with my best friend Aziz, despite he is married. I congratulated him because he just got a son recently. I prayed for his wife's safe delivery and health of his son. Plus I still talked and communicated with other good friends.I did not see anyone running away. It was really another absurd and bitter statement.

Oprah: Why they claimed such statement?

Esjay: You ask me? I wonder why. Truthfully, I am the one who are running away from certain people. I was the one who avoided them. I am the one who initiated it. They did not fit to be my friend.Plus the reviews was really eye-opener to realise who the real friends were. I am mature and willing to listen to other party's being so worked up and bitter over certain issues. But I did not think they are worth it. Hence I just kept quiet and let go. But then, they still did hold me back to their web of deceit and betrayal.

Oprah: Maybe you had big impact on their lifestyle, somehow.

Esjay: Maybe. I am fun person to hang out with, actually. I just hoped they just lived it and moved on. It's not my business to decide how good they are for me or how valuable they are and what the world can see but only that they try to understand me and have the courage to love me for me

Oprah: True.Very courageous.

Esjay: There is a lot of sadness in my life. There's no way I could lie and say that there isn't. There always has been. But somehow I feel I have found ways to survive.

Oprah: No regret?

Esjay: Absolutely no regrets

Survival by Madonna
I'll never be an angel
I'll never be a saint it's true
I'm too busy surviving
Whether it's heaven or hell
I'm gonna be living to tell, so
Bridge:
Here's my story [my story]
No risk no glory [no glory]
A little
Chorus:
Up and down and all around
It's all about survival
(verse)
Here's my question [my question]
Does your criticism [criticism]
Have you caught up in what you cannot see
Well if you give me respect
Then you'll know what to expect, a little

Stress week

This week was going to be the most stressful week after recess. Seriously, I did not know what kind of activities that was gone into waste since I could not achieved the works I planned to do during recess work.I knew I wouldnot have time to go gym. I would be a fatso soon if i did not stop binging and not running. Anyway, to make myself happy, I wore my new tee today.

I stay overnight to do my Biomaterials report when i realised that I could pass by this week, plus trying to my M464 report. I was worried that I might have quiz this week plus two project and assignments to be handled.I did not wnat to have mental breakdown. However,I should pray for God when I'm in trouble or when I'm happy. When I feel any sort of extreme. I should pray God too when I feel so great that I'll think I need to check with myself and recognize how good life is. But when it seems there's so much bullshit around, it's important to remind myself of the things I have to be grateful for.

It was my first time attending M494 lecture and it was really boring one.The lecturer was like mumbling to himself throughout the lecture. the only things I learnt during the lecture was there was a quiz tomrrow. I was like What!I Hated Tuesday.

Later, I had another tuition as she would be going to take A Maths tommorow. No mood to go for a run as my leg was still tired and aching due to two days of walkinga round.

army market

As usual, I really too lazy to go to schoola dn did some revision.Plus I ahd terrible headache. Everytime I woke up, my parents were not around but they left me with breakfast and newspaper.Today I went to second round of retail therapy with lily. This time at Army Market at Beach Road.I met lily at 2.30pm which I was considered late because she arrived earlier than me by 15 mins.I felt bad as usual.luckily, she brought the book for her to read. Yes, A book titled Sex And The City. She told me about the scene why the one of the guyfriend of carrie did not get laid unlike his friends.

We walked therer, seeing so many thai people hanging out around the premise. We ahd Ginseng Barley at $1 before going up to the shop. We walked around the place, making lily feeling so curious and astonished at the stuffs available there. I did buy three tees, which cost me only $35 ONLY.At topman, I only can buy one tee at that price. THe clothes were much cheaper and nicer. I also bought maroon singlet and blue shorts as well as blue camo bermudas ( $20 ONLY ).Lily bought army singlet and commando shorts. She was into Army stuff now.It was definite place to buy good and cheap tee shirts.

We had our lunch at foodcourt at Raffles Hospital.As usual, I had my favourite Yong Tau Foo while Lily ordered poh piah and dumplings. The food was getting worse and worse and the lady who served are so rude. I did not want the sweet sauce and chilli to be put on my yong tau foo but she eventually still put the sweet sauce.Worse she put it so generously, which i could even see my stuffs. She was about to put the chill too, but was stopped by me. She can be persistent to put the chilli on the dish. I told her.I prefer it to be separated.Thank you( give her that dun mess with me look )

We went to Bugis Street to check out the lane that was similar to heeren and army market. There were similar clothes but the price were much higher than those at Army market.I checked the price out. Of course they ahd more variety here. Plus, the place now expenading to second storey, but there were several vacant stall.It must be new.Then we walked to the Bugis junction to shop around.From Topshop to Muji;Lily bought some stuff there, some weird stuff.I bumped into freddy but I did not bother to approach him to say hi.Then we walked around the Edge to window-shop. No much to see.Actually no money to spend.I still need to pay that guy money.Or else he call his lawyer ( If he got money ) to file lawsuit against me.

Then We went back home at 6.45pm, because I had tuition later at 8pm.I reached home at 7.45pm, I had no time to eat my dinner.Upon request, lily asked for the picture of the swamp things.

Me, lily and the snipers

retail Therapy

Today I really not in the mood to study or even go for tuition.My whole family went to Johore with my sis's fiancee to collect the wedding card and other commodities.i already decided to invite Hung Yong, Bee Lan and Hui Hui to my sis grandeur wedding dinner in december. Anyway, with my new hairstyle which Hung yong said atrocious whereas Hui hui said it was cool. I find it ridiculous though, but I dare to be different.I wasn’t rebelious in a conventional way. I cared to be good at something... I wanted to be somebody.

I met lily at 6pm but ended up being late for 15minutes and that was bad enough to make a girl waiting.lily ahd Old Chang Kee snack for bite before having a real dinner. We walked around the Heeren to do retail therapy. Actually, I was wanting to pierce my ear but I was still in dilemma to ahve or not. Myself or Parents? Sighs! Lily recommneded me to the shop at 5th storey which only cost $3.90 for ear pierce plus a stud earring. But I chickened out at last minute because I still had to think of my mum. It could be very frightening if she found out. We window-shopped at every shop in Heeren but the prices of the tees were so expensive.I already spent on contact lens and bus-stamp.I was wanting to but bernumda at Jean Pierre, it cost $59. Not worth though although It looked nice, on me absolutely.

Then we walked to Far East Plaza to do window-shopping. I did buy some pouch, ring, necklace at 77th Street. I also bought sling bag cost $15 only. We amde fun of all the sale assistants when we window-shopped and It was fun.We had dinner at Sakura Restaurant.I ordered Chicken noodles and Spring rolls for both of us to munch. the chilli or sambal was very hot and nice. Then lily went to buy the shoes.It was quite nice on her.It cost only $19 ONLY. Real Bargain. Lily went back home while I went to topman to check out the new range of clothes. Too expensive.I went to HMV to listen to music.I saw Timothy Goh, the newcaster there. I was been trying to hear his voice in real person.Not idolize him but just admire his ability as newcaster. I did also met someone who I did not really want to bump into. I just apparently did my own business.

I went back home at 11pm.Although my urge to go clubbing was high, I was thinking of saving money for spending in future. Reached home and Slept.

Chill Out

Today I spent whole day doing FYP. yeah FYP. I hate FYP. My life is so boring thanks to FYP. I easily got sick thanks to the lab environment wher I did my FYP. I reached home at 6pm, realising that my mum went to my granny's house. I was so sick of my hairstyle, hence I just did my own haircut.I am rebel with a cause. I felt good when I sport new look. I received from hui hui that she was at Suntec City already but I told her that I had to wait for my sis to come home so that I can use the car.

Around 8.30pm, I drive at the 120km/h to the city hall to fetch them. Quite thrilling to drive at that speed because I was a reckless ( lousy perhaps ) driver. I realised that Bee Lan was not around. I was told that she got some food poisoning and not feeling well. They got scared when they her look and walked like zombie.Hence, she went back home to recuperate.Hope she felt better tommorow.

Actually we was not sure where to club. The New Asia Bar was so packed that they could not even find any space to sit/stand,even at 8++pm. I was wanting to go to Equinox at Raffles City but no chance. It was THE glamourous, expensive and classy bar to chill out plus it was situated at the highest storey in Raffles City ( 71st storey ). Hung yong suggested to go Mohd Sultan Road. I parked my car at New Square ( I thought so ) and we walked to Dbl O club. There was a long Queue by the time we reached. I suggested to go CoccoLatte bar. But I had no one who knew such place hence Hung Yong went to call Louise how to go there and how much the cover charge?

Actually we did not know where it was, because we had been walking around the Robertson Walk.I went to ask the waiter at Chameleon for direction. We walked to Gallery hotel where the swimming pool was so translucent when we looked up. We found the location. No cover charge! Hui Hui and i ordered virgin margarita while Hung yong ordered Shirley temple. We had fun, chatted and enjoyed the R n B music. People there was so beautiful. I guessed they might eb from Adverstising industry.We got bored at 11++ . Hence I suggested we chilled out at other place. We went to try out liquid room, just nearby

The drinks were cheap and the atmosphere was quite similar to zouk, very smoky. I ordered Shirley temple, Hung yong Vodka lime and Hui Hui Vodka Ribena. they could not even tasted the vodka. Well, the drinks were cheaper than ones at CoccoLatte bar. We did dance awhile but kinda of funny though. The feeling was not just right for yuppies like us.I approached one beautiful girl at the dance floor.

Esjay: Hi, you are very pretty
Girl: Thank you *smiled*
Esjay: and you ahve nice eyes too
Girl: THank you *smiled*
Esjay: Are you local?
Girl: No. I'm from Thailand
Esjay was not shocked to know she was from thailand, because she was other group of girl who speak thai.
Esjay: Nice, What's your name?
Girl: Diana.
Esjay: Nice to know you
Girl: Thank you

Damn. How I wished I flashed all my credit card and cash infront of her.I was just pauper guy. It was time to leave the place at 1am. It was nice experience there. the crowd was just different. So many caucasians, Eurasian, Thais, China people and les Sinagporeans. Funny right! We walked back to the carpark. It cost $3. We went to the Tanjong Pagar to check out the alternative bar and De Club co-owned by Alan.

Then we walked to Mox Bar but it turned out to be Happy bar, a gay bar. I asked the the cute guy how much the cover charge.It cost $15. hence we skipped the idea and went to the Mox cafe behind.But I found the guy I appraoched very familiar. Is'nt he the fashion designer from Kuala Lumpur?.Never mind.The Mox Cafe was situated at 4th storey and it had nice decor and ambience to chill out. We were being oriented by this girl about the Mox cafe. Then we went to 2nd storey to go to Colony bar. We , again were being oriented by a guy named Joshua. It was totally a normal bar and the interior was very interesting.
We can rent teh place for $2.5K for certain events like Birthday party and each head cost $30 for 100-200 people.He was very friendly guy. There would be a big event on 1st october 2004.This might interest us.

Lastly, we sat at Maxwell market to have a quick drink before I sent Hui hui back home at Bedok. Then I sent Hung yong home. We did a wrong way to reach to Buona Vista.Nevertheless, i did enjoy myself with them.It would be more fun if Bee Lan was around. Next Week ok?

Hung Yong,Thanks for the beautiful mask and sweet honey. Those represent me: I am sweet only behind the beautiful mask.

What the heck!

Nothing much to do today. I went out to buy breakfast at Gek Poh Ville food court.then I spent most of my time, trying hard to download some mp3 music. I knew it was really un-productive to do such things. Then I traveled to King Albert Park McDonalds to do school works. I was type of person who just could not study at home, plus the nice weather for me to cuddle and sleep.

I did some contructive work while having my meal there. It was crowded as usual but the noise did not stifled my concentration to do revision.Three hours spenta nd it was time to catch Sinagpore Idol: Wild Card.Gosh all the guys except Slyester sang so bad.What bothered me was the judges chose Maia lee as jusdge's choice. I was like...oh no oh no oh no..dangerously in love. How could one miss her revealing top with well-endowed boobs body. She deserved a chance because she had life experience where other contestant did not have which made her go far. I was like ...what the crap! life experience? Is process of bringing a child up a life experience? No comments further.

I expected Nana/Shirin to be one of the choosen ones. I expected strong-voiced contenders in the Singapore Idol, to make the competition interesting. I guessed Singapore did not appreaciate true singing talents but just sweet looking faces. Yawns! I guessed I might skip watching Sinagpor Idol. I was not going to bitch much about their hidden agendas behind choosing certain contestants.

While doing my project, I receive a call from a girl, yeah a girl. I was surpised that she really called me up because I had been trying to get her number. That was so sweet and fetch. She talked about the photo we both taken during the contest and it was turned out beautiful as if we are the beautiful couple. We are, of course! There were emotions involved during the conversation. Love? Guessed I might take that into consideration.I should meet up with her for a date.

Rude Girls!

It had been a nice weather nowadays. It made me so reluctant to go to school and met up with the girls for M464 project discussion. Plus I was still not finish up my slide show for GP09 because I spent whole night doing my part of report.

I met Shu Yin and Cindy at CAD lab at 1.15pm. Shu Yin did remarkable job in doing her CAD drawing of the gripper although it was not complete. Then I wasted time listening and seeing the drawing on screen. Shu Yin told Cindy about the change of design using actuators. Hence they showed me whatever available actuator available in the market and yet they did not know the application of actuators for the robotic arms. I just told them off that if they want to do it, they could carry on doing research and find how the things works. Whatever they finalise the design, they could just email the soft-copy for me so that I could start my part.

Do Not expect me to help them about doing the changed design. i worked so muc hard for this group and they took it for granted.After a long pause, they decided to stick to my design.Politically,I said that if they wanted to change the design, just let me know by tonight because I did not wnat to do extra work.

Worse, Cindy did not even bother to look at me when I was talking with or explaining to her about my manufacturing. Her attitude showed rudeness and dislikeness for me. Or I was just over-sensitive. I did not think so. I learnt body languages and most people would at least do eye-contact with one other as acknowledgement when they were in conversation. I guessed I would do the same thing when time comes. I really hate the feeling that I was condemned for being outspoken. Yawns! Time would tell.

After that, i rushed down to canteen B to meet the guys. I received Kian bao and Collin that they would be late. I just met Imran, who later told me that he had FYP supervisor meeting at 3.15pm. It was like only 30 mins left. I had my lunch at canteen B while waiting for Nam.While waiting, Imran and I had a good conversation about MPE and School system. NTU educational system sucks!

We went up to tutorial room and try to set up the projector but my ibook did not support cable and executable files. We had to wait for Collin for his laptop.A lot of time wasted waiting and setting up. We all ended up not getting our job done. Morever, I did not feel like going for the class as I had so much things to do. Kian bao was smart enough not to come today. So many things to do yet so little time left.

I was looking forwrad to meet Bee lan, hung Yong and Hui Hui on friday.Chilling time.

Life's a BITCH

Esjay attended interview with Oprah Winfey at Hollywood.Esjay would touched on his recent development, betrayal,friendship, ego and bad reviews about him in Diamond Magazine.

Oprah: Hi,Esjay. How's life been so far?

Esjay: Hi, Oprah. I felt good;I've noticed that I am more calm and peaceful inside. There is no more panic, fear or hatred going on inside me.I have made great progress. I feel good that I have been able to release and let go of so much of my past inner fears and insecurities.

Oprah: How the changes come about?

Esjay: After identifying toxic friend who made you think that I did not deserve proper life. I realized that that changed my life. I guess the best thing that is happening is that I'm able to hear my inner voice much better.

Oprah: Nice to hear that.Tell us about the coffeebook you are going to create?

Esjay: It was just a pictorial books consist of myself and my journey being captured through images. Love, life , fantasies and most importantly friends.I was still looking for good photographer because my personal friend is now being based in China for his assignments.

Oprah: Talking about friends, You received bad reviews about yourself and your attitude in Diamond magazine?

Esjay: Really?! What Diamond magazine? It's on the internet?Never believe you read on Internet.I don't want to comment on idotic people making assumptions.

Oprah: Are you not going to comment on the reviews?

Esjay: Seriously the power of words and negativity of gossip , Is that important to speak up against? And no one seems to ahve more gossips swirling around a person than me. If I keep defending myself against revolutionary enemies, I would not ahve time to love myself.

Esjay: People have the rights to write bad thinga bout other but are they deserve reading?

Oprah:True.Do you treasure friendship?

Esjay: I do.Why?

Oprah:It stated that you bad-mouthed other actor and he found out from your good friend's ?

Esjay: What?I felt betrayed.Every magazine in the world writes lies about me!

Oprah: Is the speculation true?

Esjay: It was true but I did not really meant it, especially when the converstion between us was very relaxing and laid-back.They also did bad-mouth people. To me, i did not tell otehr party what other comment. Seriously, they were entitled to comments and I respect them for not telling others, even how terrible the comments were. I felt disgusted when I knew some people just felt so bitter that they were out to worsen the failing relationship with the otehr actors.

Oprah: You was really disappointed?

Esjay: I'm dissapointed in it but I'm not sorry I did it. I think I did a good job. But I got the blame for everything. It was like I said it, did it, created it, and I was the only one behaving like that, you know?

Oprah: That's terrible

Esjay: Yeah, I was always being misundertood. if he really looked through his life evnts, he should be glad to have me as a friend than other actor, whom he believe and trust in whatever he said or commented.

Oprah: Like what?Can U give some examples?

Esjay: I was the one who organized his birthday at johore during JC times as well as few years back, like recently. I was the one who spent money on small fridge so as to follow his demand if I wanted to stay with him in hostel. I was the one who went to find and get the job at D&P hampers , which was near his house. I was the one who managed to persuade David to go Kuala Lumpur who as to pursue his wish to go there. I was the one who would be there to accompany hime when he was down. And so forth. What did that guy do for him? He should the one who do soul-searching.

Oprah: Seem you believe in action speak louder than words.

Esjay: Presicely. Everyone can easily fooled by the words but to establish a good friendship is to do more than just saying.You have to act on it to maintain healthy relationship.

Oprah: And he being fooled.

Esjay: Well. No comments. One can be so bitter in life to call other poeple names including animals. That guy was succeeed to fool the fool.

Oprah: how about the claims that were being mentioned in the magazine? About being successful than other?

Esjay: Sometimes you have to be a bitch to get things done!But then the claims were mostly baseless. The assumptions were mother of all fuck-up. Everything that happens is meant to happen.I did not see any to show off my success to anyone or even compare with.

Oprah: But he claimed that you werre much better than him in aspect of looks and dreams?

Esjay: Maybe my action made him thought so.However I could not argue with him since my action being asessed by him. But saying it in front of him was totally absurd.I did not say anything like; "Hey you are ugly,you should stay at home" or " Hey, can you please be like m, so beauitfula nd talented" blah blah.

Oprah: Wrong analysis?

Esjay: maybe, A lot of people are afraid to say what they want. That’s why they don’t get what they want.That could be implied to him.

Oprah: Did he insulted you in any way?

Esjay: Nah, But humiliating and embarassing me in fornt of people was planty. As much as people complain and critize me, I've touched a nerve in them somehow.So, I did not really bothered much to such fallacies. I know how to manipulating words to my side. But i still won't go eye for eye. I won't embarass or humilate them back.

Oprah: Noble!

Esjay smiles.

Oprah: Now, you claimed you lost during the male pageants, due to several outside factors? or rather insider's factors?

Esjay: Ask you, Do you join any pageant before?

Oprah: No.

Esjay: Presicely, they did not know the truth and bitchings behind backstage because they did not join such pageants. They even claimed that some people asked them to join but the same answer given to them that they were not ready for it. Gosh! When can one be rady to join and experience such competitions especially beauty pageants. Looks do last that long.And What I said about the support and winning factors were actually came from other contestants who were much bitchier than me who told us.I was just a friend to inform them the experience and some how political involvement behind backstage.

Oprah: Is it?

Esjay: Yeah, I did not go around and say, hey those winners were already confirmed beforehand. I was so pressurized even not to think such things during competitions.People told me.

Oprah: pressurized?

Esjay: Yeah. I was daring enough or rather guts enough to join such compeition to prove where I stand.And alos to build my self-esteem and confidence which was very necessary in the futire. Even if I was like super egoistic, Would I join such competition just to get insulted and humiliated in public forums.

Oprah: Really?

Esjay: Yeah. People can be very mean to just say bad comments about you . That need another life lessons to learnt. Does he have one?Talking about support, Did he give me moral or even physical support?No.I hoped he go and join the pageants and experience the truth.

Oprah: That was very saddening.

Esjay: Life's too short to be bitter!He had been stepping on my tail for so many times yet I was being patient with it until I realised I ' m not.They thought they would wake up one day and I would go away - but I'm not going to go away.

Oprah:That was not the attitude of loser?

Esjay: Because I was not a loser.I gained so much through joining such pageants. i saw real world in just a few hours.

Oprah: But did you call other loser?

Esjay: YEs, I did. But for fun and I did not meant it. Unlike poeple, they could thought about it in pause and meant what they said.You knew that was not a jokes but an insulting remarks coated with claim as jokes.

Oprah: Really? So did you call people who are better looking and superior than you loser?

Esjay laughed.

Esjay: If I would to call those people under that category, Why would I always make friends with good looking people as well hanging out with people with great ambitions. It could be ironic. To me, there was no such people superior than other but rather much better off.

Oprah: Another baseless claim?

Esjay: Of course,Or else I would be calling you loser right?

Oprah laughed.

There would be second session with Oprah Winfrey withE sjay about Narcissism, Debts and claimed 9 deadly sins.

Applause

Rude Girls 1

Today I sported a punk hairstyle which meant disaster for me. Punk did not suit me at all or maybe my mentality told me that I look better if I went for salon's haircut. I really need to go for a proper haircut.But I still did not get my tuition fee.

I wnet to school to print materials for shuyin which cost me $4.80 because I printed the notes in color.On the way to library, I bumped into Beth, who was smoking with my friend Ram. I told her that I would be meeting Shu yin later, hence she would be there ar CAD lab later too to help Shu Yin.

At 1 pm, I met them at CAD lab to discuss the calculatuon and the overall design to them. Supposedly Shu yin and I was dicussing about the design and how the things work. But I was being interrupted occasionaly by Beth who kept asking Shu Ying about the CAD drawing. I seriously needed to end this discussion fast. Worse, She said that the design I showed was so complicated and could not be drawn into CAD program. She suggested to changed the design to previous one by using actuator.I was like huh!

I spent so much time and effort to find the reading materials and solution to how the robotic arms works and now they wanted to change the design.I was pissed off but I was being outnumbered. Eventually, i told them to go and find the design themselves as I had no time to research for it. They just had short-term goal about the project and only to find easy way to finish the job.

I just hate working with the girls ( I had so many bad experiences working under/with the girls ) Worse, Especially girls with shallow thought and attitude problem.When I was about to leave as Shu Yin would look therough the calculation for torque later, Beth stopped me and said that calculations were very tedious and everyone must do together to do calculations. I was like what....Ok fine,I just breathed slowly and discussed the calculation with her minus Beth who was busy doing CAD which I could do much faster than her. I just went out and left for the gym session.

In the gym, I just vent my anger on the machines and have a very good workout. Real good one.I started to beef up lately and I was not sure it was right thing to do or I just continued ballooning.I went home and dinner and TV time

Outnumbered

Slept till 3pm , then went to HMV to check out the latest music as well as some jazz compilations. I was sucker for jazz music. I picked up the phamphlet that Alicia keyes was coming to town at Suntec City to perform. Samuel did tell me about it.He asked me whether I would be interested to go.Well, It would be my first time attending the concert if I went.The problem was the money and date issue. What if it fell on my exam period. The ticket price cost about $90 including sistic fee.

While browsing and listening to the music from level 1 to level 3, three albums caught my attention.
1) Prodigy - Always outnumbered never outgunned
2) Ashlee Simpson - Autobiography
3) Bjork - Medulla

I went back home to update my blog. I still received catty comments, those comments that tried hard to dig out the true identity and meddle with my weakness.Gosh some people just did not get it...stop bothering me.

911

At 8:45 a.m. on a clear Tuesday morning, an American Airlines Boeing 767 loaded with 20,000 gallons of jet fuel crashes into the north tower of the World Trade Center in New York City. The impact left a gaping, burning hole near the 80th floor of the 110-story skyscraper, instantly killing hundreds of people and trapping hundreds more in higher floors. As the evacuation of the tower and its twin got underway, television cameras broadcasted live images of what initially appeared to be a freak accident. Then, 18 minutes after the first plane hit, a second Boeing 767--United Airlines Flight 175--appeared out of the sky, turned sharply toward the World Trade Center, and sliced into the south tower at about the 60th floor. The collision caused a massive explosion that showered burning debris over surrounding buildings and the streets below. America was under attack.By islamic terrorists from Saudi Arabia.

It had been four years yet the war on terrorism.George Bush made big mistake launching a war on Irag which eventually created more terrorist attacks including in Asia. I rememebered how my parents and I were so attentive to the daily news on Iraq war and how much my mum hated George bush's decision.She said that since his father could not win the war against Saddam Hussein on personal basis during gulf war 1, he showed his ego by attacking Saddam Hussein based on excuses that Saddam hussein kept WMD or even involved with Osama Bin Laden.Well, if one had power, one acted like a God and no one should against him. Sound like King Pharoah. Kind of sad to know Americans lived in fear everyday when the terrorist kept making death threat on land of America. I would anticipate the new history created in this world although how much I detest the loss of innocent lives due to unneccesary grudges against Bush.

Amen

What a sicko

I woke up early to book the equipment for my FYP. When I reached there, my trip to NTU was wasteful because it was fully booked. Disappointed and felt unwell, I just went to Medical Center to buy some medicines for my flu and sore throat. I must go for doctor's consultation vist before I could be prescribed with medicine. I just went to Jurong point and get Lozenges and flu tablets. I sucked lozenges , on the way home because I really ahd bad sore throat.

I felt so drowsy after taking medicined.I went to sleep till evening. I always looked haggard and tired when i was not feeling well. I guessed it would either the sign of new change or symptom of stress.I could not do anything at all but just slept. Damn! that flu tablet was really effective to cause me drowsy. It must be the staying whole day at the lab plus the staleness of the air inside yesterday made me feel sick. Being sick was yotally waste of time when I got so much things to do.Worse, those happened yesterday on my blog deteriorated my condition.

Sorry by Ashlee Simpson
All my life I've been sorry for something
Something gets me nothin' and nothin's such a waste
All this time I've been sayin I'm sorry
But why should I be sorry for all of your mistakes

Why should I be sorry

I've had enough of you
Please forget my name
I'm runnin around on empty
Still tryin to get away
Anything to kill
The consciousness of you
Anything to end myself
Before the thought of you

28 days to kick a habit
28 days to let you go
28 days and I'll be on my own

All my life I've been sorry for something
Something gets me nothin' and nothin's such a waste
All this time I've been sayin I'm sorry
But why should I be sorry for all of your mistakes

Now you'll know what it feels like to bite your tongue
Now you'll know what it feels like to be the one
Who walks around with knowt in his stomach
I've been there, and I've done it
And now you'll know what it feels like
To always be afraid
Of everything you wanted to say
Who's sorry now
Who's sorry now
Who's sorry now

through the rain

I receive so many bad comments by ONLY One person. Thrilling! Anyway I needed to censor his comment because my blog is not thrashing low self-esteem comments on me. I have certain rights to do that since I own my personal journal. I was not going to be powerless and just let his non-stop comments flowed like waterfall. Gosh! talking about getting peace, who was the one who needed it most?

I was ok with him constantly insult me and my family including my father with his baseless thought.Now He was trying to hurt my pride and self-esteem by getting even and taking things out on others including me.Reality bites regarding his family and he was quick enough to use my weakness to pick a emotional fight. I could not expect myself to put a strong resistance to defend myself against his words.

Just a single word of "sorry" seem so hard to express.especially he holds on to his pride, which can be damaging to a relationship. Afterall, it was about my friendship with him. I realized that it is more important to keep his pride than aplogize to me. I was not worth it,according to him.

It's an eternal struggle as a human and as myself. to fall prey to my emotional indulgences and allow my insecurities and our attachment to desires to crush me. yet I would walk on bravely, and walk , not alone......through the rain

Sick!

Today I studied on my own at the library. I realised I needed to go early to book a good place. Anyway the librarian would not be bothered about the place being occupied because it was not an exam period. I decided to go to NIE canteen, bought some buns and took a shuttle bus to gym. Then I realised I was not in the mood to go for lectures so I just went back home

I was so tired that I just took a nap without changing my clothes and eating my meals. I woke up with a heavy head suddenly. I had terrible splitting headache and I just could bear the pain on my head.It was excruciating.I took 2 panadol, then anothr 3 panadol when there was no effect at all. No more to eat or even watch TV. I still went for the tuition and realised I could not think and do single question, asked by my student regarding ehr assignment. Suddenly maths was becoming tough subject for me to tutor. For whole session, I did nothing but just did trial and error on the questions.No progress at all.

I decided to go for a jog, hopefully I could reduce the pain. I ran around NTU, slowly and walked back home. I was feeling better, but no coffee to stay alte to do my presentation for M464. I hated being perfectionist, doing things that must be in tip-top condition. It could be so stressful. I finished my stuff and slept at 3am.I felt not good.

Thanks, hung yong for sending encouraging sms to me. I was nearly in mental breakdown.

hi...Read your weblog...Dun bother abt wat others say n let them affect u...Just plough on n will give u support all the way...Meanwhile take care n do look forward to our next outing!Cheers...

He's such a true friend, thank God I attended Union Camp Orientation camp.

Another Mundane Monday

I woke up late, because I could not sleep well. It's not because of the show yesterday.I did not know why? My sister woke me up and asked me what kind of breakfast I wanted to ahve. I just said anything. She bought me Nasi Lemak ( as usual, my favourite ). I had been having nasi lemak as my breakfast for two days. What terrified me about the condiments inside nasi lemak. Something's missing. EGGS!!

They replace otehr condiments like hotdogs and potato cutlets. It was so incomplete and weird. Of course I knew egg cost damn expensive this time, even my mum did not wnat to buy the eggs. I protested her for making such decision. I love eggs and I could survive without egg. Eating egg is like having a balance diet except it did not contain the vitamin c and fibre.

Anyway I went to school around the 12pm , but missed my tutorial, hence I just went for workout. I felt good doing a good and proper workout despite not having any spotter to help me. Then I went home and took a rest. I felt stressed suddenly.

Army Open House

Today I was awaken by Lily's message, asking me whether I want to accompany her to Army OpenHouse at Safti MI later. Since I did not receive any email from my supervisor, I just met her at 2pm at Boon Lay MRT station. While I was walking to the control station, I was appraoched by guy, saying that I did not zip my fly.Hmm! I smiled at him and thanked him for noticing me, or rather my shorts. .....


I met lily and we took bus 182 to Safti MI. It was drizzling and that spoiled my mood. We walked towards the Chinook display but then we proceed to sports complex for shelter. We attended some Army Xperience and Army Transformation which were very boring.Then we watched those guys taking chin up challenges and other IPPT stations to get the goodie bags. We walked up to the Parade Square to watch some brilliant performance despite the rain, plus walking around seeing the displays of the vehicles. We even tried out the Army food.Tasty! Lily managed to get several try-ons on the weapons and other equipment found in SAF. I tried out the new M16-S1 weapon for shoot-out. I missed it, but got a hit for second time. lily bought two tee , each cost $8. I liked the tee so much but i was going to pay lily when i met her next time,

After looking around all the units on the Parade Square, Lily wanted to watch live firing areas. Before that, I bought some hotdogs and Goreng pisang because I was very hungry. We lined up near the library for the bus which would take us to Live Firing area at Pasir Laba Camp. The queue to do the hand-ons at firing range was overwhelming and super long. We skipped the idea and moved to Adventure Land. Adventure Land was just an advanced Standard Obstacle Course training ground, which they made them into safe amusement park. We supposed to try the flying fox and canvass jump but the queue was very long. Hence after attending the safety briefing and getting the chop, we proceeded to the other station. Been a long time i tried out the stations. I managed to try low rope, suicidal window, balancing logs, parallel bar, jacob's ladder, low wall, swinging bar and lastly Cargo net. Lily was patient enough to wait for me try out. Lily also did some obstacles. The only regret was high rope, because the queue was super long plus with stupid kids wanting to try out.

We went up to queue for the Armour-vehicle ride.Luckily, we managed to cut the long queue as they needed only two people at the moment. The ride was not enjoyable for me because I had to wear helmet, the road was super dusty, the vehicle inside was so cramped. Nevetheless, lily enjoyed the most. We decided to go back to Safti MI by shuttle bus since it was already 7pm and most of the station were closed. We took some picture before heading home.

I was so hungry and tired. I took a shower and waited for the channel U show: The 7th month.This time, the episode was about Kum Kum ghost, the one who sucked virgin blood to gain eternal beauty. The episode was damn scary. I was so eager to watch because it occured before to my sister and around Boon Lay neighbourhood, if I was not wrong.I would tell you next time when I was not tired. Time to sleep.

Moving House

Today I was trying to finish my drawing for robotic arm but was told to help my auntie at Sengkang to move some things to new house. My young uncle fetch my sister and I at 2pm using his company van. The journey from Jurong to Sengkang is very long and somehow I had nothing much to strike conversation with my uncle, except my sister. Both of them could just talk anything under the sun. I just felt handicapped in terms of language. I tend to speak English much fluent. It was warm and stuffy, plus the strong wind blew my hair and turn into distorted afro-haired guy.

Once reached there, my uncle and I uploaded several boxes containing their stuff into the van. We travelled to Woodlands and found my other auntie and her hubby plus my uncle there. We all carried the stuff up. It was double-storey house and it was very nice and spacious. I came to realized that MY sis was going to have double-storey house too. Gosh! Somemore it was nearby to my auntie's house. When i had the chance to own such house. We went back to Sengkang to do second uploading. Helping out is just an obligation for my mum and maybe perhaps me for supporting me in some way.Anyway, she was my favourite auntie, minus his bratty son. I just could stand his michievious behaviour when he grew up, BRAT!Now I just had not visit my sis's house yet.

My uncle sent us back at 6pm. I was quite hungry but my mum did not cook tonight because she was helping my grand-auntie downstair ( some wedding feast ) . I just cook two packet of noodles plus potato wedges. I was waiting for her to come back.Suddenly, I just missed her, and waited for her to come back. I realized that I could not live without her.Apparently, she returned at 3am, just a good night kiss and I went to doze off.

Ego trip

Today, i decided not to go to school.Actually I was really indecisive about my plan today on whether to go to school or to go out and study.2hr wass wasted just to make a final decision and that was so unproductive.I went to king Albert Park McDonald, ordered my Cheeseburger Deluxe EVM and did my stuff. So many things to do and I had one week to go to recess.

My stress level was getting higher and higher when time passed by. And I still was not in the mood to work hard.I wondered what my priorities were. At least I felt at peace and began to love myself despite looking shit today. Why I just looked so old when I sport long hair.Why am I so ill-fated? Remember, Love yourself and accept the weakness. bleah!

I went home, watch An Ode to Life ( TCS 8 ). This show had never failed to make me feel so emotional about life Zhi led. There were some parts i learnt about life from that show. Then, I went for tuition. at 10pm, I went for a jog around NTU. On the way I saw someone looked so familiar jogging towards me. This time, I dashed the up slope between N2 and SCI. This china idiot was running on par with me. What he was trying to show me? I ran slower ? Hence, not to hurt my male ego ( :P ) , I just dashed , leaving myself breathless, close to near-death experience until I could not see him behind. I'm worth it!

Toxic Friends

Today I was really recognized who toxic friends are. I was evry disappointed and pissed off with this MF for insulting my father being lazy. What rights did he have to make such statements and hurl baseless insult to my father. So what, my sister and I got free education through government scheme.It was just because my father earned lesser than $1000 when we both were enrolled into university.Just recently he was being promoted to supervisor and plus my sister's wage which managed to tide us over. That proved my father was not being lazy or so ever.

If MF spoke to me sarcastically, and most of the remarks though they are housed in humor are basically insulting, eroding my self-esteem or me goals to move forward, this was the signs of toxicity.I had been trying to put up with his attitude towards me.Here was the converstion between us.

MF [12:19 AM]:
if only he works OT loh.. and yet your father is so lazy to work OT

Himb0 [12:19 AM]:
i mean change figure

MF [12:19 AM]:
when did I change topic..

Himb0 [12:19 AM]:
HEY..........what u mean my father is lazy to work ot...

Himb0 [12:19 AM]:
HEY TAT IS RUDE

MF [12:19 AM]:
I say my fatheer earn oless than $1500.. also mean that he earn less than $1000 for b asic.

Himb0 [12:19 AM]:
u know he always come back at 7++

Himb0 [12:20 AM]:
nstead of 5pm

MF [12:20 AM]:
my father came back at 8++

MF [12:20 AM]:
got to work at 5 also

Himb0 [12:20 AM]:
cos I think u better apology for making such basless statment and insult to my father

MF [12:21 AM]:
http://reference.allrefer.com/country-guide-study/singapore/singapore45.html

Himb0 [12:21 AM]:
hey I demand an apology

MF [12:21 AM]:
well, fromwhat you say, it implies that he is lazy... and he is lazy infact loh.. from what you said

Himb0 [12:22 AM]:
I think u r really too much

Himb0 [12:23 AM]:
U had not enough insulting me , now u r insulting my father ....

MF [12:26 AM]:
not lazy, thenw hat?

MF [12:25 AM]:
nah.. what for to apologise when your father didn't workhard although he earn too little for your mother..

MF [12:26 AM]:
your father takes the benefit for granted..like yourselves.

Himb0 [12:28 AM]:
i will cut n paste this conversation

Himb0 [12:28 AM]:
and this time...i dun bother abt u at all....

MF [12:28 AM]:
sure.

MF [12:28 AM]:
of course.

MF [12:28 AM]:
I am stating a fact.

MF [12:28 AM]:
let them read the fact.

Himb0 [12:28 AM]:
fact that my father r lazy

Himb0 [12:28 AM]:
sure

Himb0 [12:28 AM]:
i will

Himb0 [12:28 AM]:
BYE

Because of MF's inferiority complaex plus egoistic atttitude for not apologizing to me because his mentality said that I did not deserve any apology from him because I would felt good if he was following my command. Total bullshit.I did not mind him insulting me and show no respect as friend to me, but insulting my parents is no-no.

Claim 1 : His father also work from 5pm to 8pm++ and earned quite similar as my father
i think he should start wondering the working efficiency of his father that cause him to go home late.If working environment was that bad that made someone stay OT everyday plus low pay, would it be better to quit and find job that has better prospect.

Claim 2: His mother did not work
His father earn so low yet his mother did not make contribution to the family. Unlike my mum, she work part-time at some factory which did not even earn her much plus she was being seamstress who sew her friends' clothes to earn some money so that she could ease my father financial burden.Sometimes I was so angry with her for charging her friends so low where her sewing skill was much better than those tailors .The sacrifices she did for my family was something compared to his mother. Or some mothers who did not even go and find job to help his children's future, and just whined to teh government that they were jobless.

Claim 3: All his sisters have financial difficulty
Total bullshit.Anyway I did not wish to eloborate on other party's claim. My sister worked hard and achieved as one of the top high-earner because she knew the hardship and sacrifice my parent made, despite the free education. There were other expenditures which were not being accounted but she saved and scrimped all the way until now, she managed to get what she wanted: Branded clothes, shoes, car or even and others which any girl would have dreamt of.

Claim 4: He paid for his education
It was total absurd to know that he pay for his education without his parent's help. The university cost was so high and how he managed to get lump sum without his parent's support is just so unreal. Next time, work hard for exam and do't waste time doing unneccesary things instead. The more he stay beack for another semester. the more he had to come up with money.

Nevertheless, being identified as toxic friend, i realised it is high time for me to just let go and carry on with my life.It might be better than to hang out with people with no dreams and ambitions in life.

As we get older, we have fewer friends and more acquaintances. We see with experienced eyes. I tend to expect more from our friends; perhaps I expect too much. However, reserve judgment and and still expect for forgiveness, but I move on. Tap into my gut feelings. Just because I have a history with someone, doesn’t mean I need to keep on repeating it. We outgrow many things during the course of a lifetime and take many detours. During the course of our journey we make new friends and exchange our gifts with them.

haggard

Shit! I woke up late and I was going to miss my presentation later. Shu Yin and Beth call suddenly acted as an alarm clock to make me up. I was just trying to be so perfertionist in doing presentation hence I woke up whole night to do the proper materials for my slides. I found and did 5 pages and time showed 5am. Maybe I just took a nap, which ended up making me wake up late.

Then, i received from Beth that Shu Yin did the presentation but i would do mine next week.Somehow, I could sense that their perception of me is bad from worse. As if i was trying to avoid doing my presentation and that was bad.Even so, they jsut gave me last minute work which I was even had information to prepare my presentation. Nevertheless, I should not be conscious of what people said , as long as I did my work.luckily, I managed to get the detailed design from a friend who know more or less about robotic system. I hope I could present tommorow.

Today, I was lucky for not being called upon to answer my GP09 tutor about what motivate a person at work despite having a good, really really good life. The answer after, after beating around the bush, was the leadership. Yawns! Anyway, the class ended earlier due to his hand injury. Then what am I going to do? I went home, came back to NTu again to jog around. Since I did not run on Thursday Night plus It was 7th month thingy. it was kinda of spooky to run tommorow, especially around 11pm. On the way, I saw so many incense, food offers and KFC meals. I would have said that those spirits were luckier than me to enjoy full KFC meals. Oops? Am I offending any 'body'?

Just as Halloween is for Americans, the Hungry Ghost festival is for the Chinese. For those who have never heard of this festival, here are the essential spooky facts on this festival.


Hungry Ghost festival is a popular occasion that is taken very seriously by the Chinese. This festival that falls on the 7th month of the lunar New Year is celebrated mainly in China and other countries like Singapore & Malaysia. It is believed by the Chinese that during this month, the gates of hell are opened to free the hungry ghosts who then wander to seek food on Earth. Some even think that the ghosts would seek revenge on those who had wronged them in their lives. The reason why the Chinese celebrate this festival is to remember their dead family members and pay tribute to them. They also feel that offering food to the deceased appeases them and wards off bad luck.


Celebration

Another belief among the Chinese is that the dead return to visit their living relatives during the 7th month and thus they prepare a sumptuous meal for the hungry ghosts. The Chinese feel that they have to satisfy the ghosts in order to get good fortune and luck in their lives.


During the 7th month, the Chinese offer prayers to the deceased relatives and burn joss sticks. In Singapore, it is a common sight to see entertaining wayang shows and concerts performed on outdoor stages in some neighborhoods. These events are always held at night. There is a belief that this entertainment would please those wandering ghosts.


Superstitions

An interesting superstition that the Chinese have about the festival is that it is bad to go swimming during the 7th month. They think that an evil ghost might cause you to drown in the swimming pool. In addition to this, children are also advised to return home early and not to wander around alone at night. This belief is due to the reason that the wandering ghosts might possess children.


Offerings to the Dead

The Chinese also do a lot of offerings to the deceased. These offerings are made by burning fake money notes, which are also known as hell money and even paper television or radio sets. Some families also burn paper houses & cars to give to their dead relatives. The Chinese feel that these offerings reach the ghosts and help them live comfortably in their world.


The Chinese regard the 15th of the month as an important date to give a feast to the ghosts. On this date, the family will cook a lot of dishes and offer them to the deceased. This is done to please the ghosts and also to gain good luck for the family. 15 days after the feast, the festival will be over, as the Chinese believe that the ghosts return back to where they come from.