Life oh Life

I had the most scariest nightmare today that I woke up automatically at 6am. It was about me seeing myself in the mirror with blood ( What I meant bloody was really bloods)bucked teeth. The image was very horrifying because It looked like I was being hit by accident. Strange! What's the sign?

Sometimes, when I woke up and look at the mirror every morning, I did not even recognized myself, especially when I got long hair.I hated to sport long hair, especially when it started to get dry and frizzy. Worse, the fringe obstructed my sight and could have a further development for pimples on forehead. But I could help myself but to look cool in long hair. I want to be someone. I would keep my endurance and determination to look like this guy.Possible?

Vision

I was so stressed when Is tarted thinking about unclear assignment, tutorial and project and now it was 5th week. I had two more weeks to keep momentum.DIE!

modern Living

I woke up early because I need to pass the solution to my student ( neighbour ) . I forgot to give it to her last night. I went down to buy breakfast, when i realised it was closed ( ON MONDAY?? ). I just made my own breakfast , clean my room, do my own laundry. Seriously it was high time to do my own laundry . Some people thought I was so spoilt who did not even wash my own underwears. For that people's information, comparable to my sis, I was the most hardworking child in the family. I do most of the household including washing dishes, clean the bathroom, watering the plants, and even cooking.Like most of aunties quoted: Whoever marries me will be so lucky. But of course. I have good upbringing, thanks to my supermum.

I realised that 90% of clothes I washed were green in colour It was kinda of scary to realise I was a freak ,the one who was into green. And today I was going to wear vibrant orange tee and vibrant blue cargo pant. I was a freak. Who cares! I went to school to put my gym stuff and some notes in the locker. There was an annual health screening carrie don near my locker and I was so tempted to check my body fat amount but I was hungry. I went to canteen B and found out that the queue was like the length of anaconda. Hence I took shuttle bus to Hall 13. The food was so sucky and expensive. I was not complaining though but it was really horrible. Plus two damn flies came and buzzed around me and my food.It must be the smell of the stngray I ordered. I was busy doing para para dance to buzz the irritating flies than enjoying my food. Hence I just ate halfway and went to the bus-stop.

Then, there was this china guy in front of me, could not stand still but to move around , left, right, forward, backward, circle and whatever shapes. It totally distracted me, just like that two damn flies. Worse, the bus arrived after 20 minutes. Just imagined seeing an idiot moving around the bus-top instead of just stand still or sit down. Bloody irritating.

After Tutorial, I went to the gym and enjoyed my full work-out ( back and biceps ) I lost so much energy and strength to do biceps work-out. hence I asked some guy to spot me with the weight. I looked so haggard when I faced the mirror. I thought it must be the sun tanning session that made me look so dehydrated like Sunkist dry grape.I went to take shower and took 179 home. I had better dinner, cooked by my mum ( of course ). I took my dry laundry in and left inside my room for ironing. I would not allow my mum to do that for me. She was not that younger like she used to be. Likewise for me. Time to check the maid catalogues.

I went to school back again to meet terence. he accompany me to the canteen B and then he went back home to watch Mean Girls which he just downloaded just now at Hall 9 canteen.I did some reading up on M464 and FYP review.Then I started to get bored so I just went back home.

Rainin' at Georgia by Brook Benton
Hoverin' by my suitcase, tryin' to find a warm place to spend the night
Heavy rain fallin', seems I hear your voice callin' It's all right.
A rainy night in Georgia, a rainy night in Georgia
It seems like it's rainin' all over the world
I feel like it's rainin' all over the world

Neon signs a-flashin', taxi cabs and buses passin' through the night
A distant moanin' of a train seems to play a sad refrain to the night
A rainy night in Georgia, such a rainy night in Georgia
Lord, I believe it's rainin' all over the world
I feel like it's rainin' all over the world

How many times I wondered
It still comes out the same
No matter how you look at it or think of it
It's life and you just got to play the game

I find me a place in a box car, so I take my guitar to pass some time
Late at night when it's hard to rest I hold your picture to my chest and I feel fine
(minor scat) But it's a rainy night in Georgia, baby, it's a rainy night in Georgia I
feel it's rainin' all over the world, kinda lonely now And it's rainin' all over the
world

Oh, have you ever been lonely, people?
And you feel that it was rainin' all over this man's world
You're talking 'bout rainin', rainin', rainin', rainin', rainin', rainin', rainin',
rainin', rainin' rainin', rainin', rainin'

Wrong info

I woke up so early today because I was going to COMEX exhibition to but the Nikon Digital camera at $299 ONLY. I asked Terence whether he wanted to join me But he said he has nothing to buy since he had no money plus it was too far for him to travel. Fine, I went to take train to Expo which took me a hour and half . During the journey, I could help looking and admiring people's expression through facial, clothes and body language. So many love and smiles.I bumped into one of the contestant too who went to work at Changi Airport. I alighted at Expo and somethinmg was amiss. It was quiet and deserted. i walked to hall 4 and realised that the door was closed. I guess right that COMEX exhibition was not at EXPO. I called Terence to scold him for giving me wrong info. He went to check to confirm whether it was held at EXPO or Suntec City. I took a bus 12 to Bedok Bus Interchange, then took bus 7 to town. I loved Bedok because the area breeded good-looking people.

Then I alighted at YMCA, hopefully I found a place to do revision.Alas, It was crowded as usual. I made my mind to go home since that bugger still did not want to reply my sms or even call back. Until when I was at farrer Road, he called that it was at Suntec City Exhibition Hall. That pissed me off. I wasted so much time travelling just to buy that camera. I took a bus 174 back to city and changed to 106 which directed me to Suntec City. I was so restless and worried that I might not be able to buy the camera, plus the traffic jam did not help me much to feel better. The journey seemed to be the longest one I had.

When I reached there, It was so crowded. I even pushed my way through to get to the level 4. Worse still, my big bag even further slowed me down to bash through the people. I managed to get the Nikon booth. I told the guy at counter that I want to buy this camera which cost only $299 plus $233 worth freebies NOW. When I reached to the cashier counter, this girl said that that one was out of stock. WHAT! NO MORE! Damn pissed off. A wrong info could make you waste 5 hour and yet you could not get what you want.I just went back home, disappointed. Really Disappointed! I should hae trust my instinct. I should do my homework than trusting too much from other sources. Sighs!

I went for a swim after my dinner, to destress myself plus toned my bod.I did not know why I began to hate weekends. I just did not feel fulfilled or have a sense of achievement. Life!

Search for the light

I had two bowls of lontong today. I did not care, I was going to binge today. I went to school to do research on my projects

1) New materials on dental implants
2) Morpohology of the gas diffusion electrode
3) Case study for older workers locally
4) Working principle of the robotic arms
5) MATLAB read-up

I bumped into sweetie Kai Ling who was just finished her project discussion. We went to take bus together. I went to Jurong point Community library to return book as well as borrow some book. I just wish kai ling good luck for her pratical driving exam this monday. Hope she passed and drove us around. I remembered I took the test twice. First trial was immediate failure at circuit - I drove through the stop line. Moral and money just lost like that. My sister was more smarter than me. Two month crash course and one pratical test were enough for her to secure a driving license. Plus, straight after that we went to buy a car for celebration.

I did not attend Alistair Birthday party tonight because I had tution later. I felt quite bad for not informing him my absence. I will meet him some day when he was free.I guessed I was not that significant anyway. He had so many good friends around to celebrate with him.During tuition, I did not know how to solve two problem.Hence, my ability as tutor was being questioned.

Forgotten Life

Today was very busy day for me. I met up with my group M464.It was kinda of awkward to face beth and pretend nothing was happened. We all are young adult and were mature enough that everyone are individualistic and we hae to get done with and over the project. Somehow, I felt there was tension among us, especially Cindy. Maybe, I just thought too much. I should be professional. Maybe my approach to tackle the problem was wrong and dominating. But I just could help myself we should follow things blindly. Now, they changed the design. What I said, We learnt from the mistake.

Then I travelled to NUS , science lab to meet Chee Kong, David's colleague as well as researcher.I had lunch at Science canteen. As usual the food sucks, but the crowd was splendid there. Too bad I got no time to hang around there.I went to the Physic Lab by myself since David was in other lab. Chee Kong did help me to interpret the graph and more or less, managed to get the information I want to have. fulfilled, I went home.

birthday

Happy Birthday, Juliana . May you get your ideal job fast!

Tested!

Yes, Conflict is part of life.We live with the unsettling possibility of conflict daily. We enter into conflicts reluctantly, cautiously, angrily, nervously, confidently.Conflict signals the presence of diverse points of view, which in struggle or reconciliation can spark creativity, nourish growth, jump-start productivity, and strengthen relationships.Or vice versa.

I had a conflict with one of the members during the discussion. Sometimes, My ego swelled like balloon. How it was started? It began with me, usually. I'm the bad guy in this case. I did not have any ideas how the design would be, but shu yin and beth told me that what beth presented would be the final and maybe good design for the robotic arm. When I looked at the design, I told myself it was very lousy design. Surpisingly, I used my engineering analysis like stress and shear analysis and force diagram to indicate the bad design being produced. I asked them who did this. Cindy was the one and they had no idea what 's going on. I dare to say that most of the work were done and decided by Cindy.

So, I could not do or start anything since Cindy could already do the project and I did not like to do extra work. But beth interpreted that I was being contradicting and sensed that they restricted my thinkinga which did not allow me to voice my opinions. I just said that I had no proper knowledge on the project yet hence I could make any comments

I had been attending whole lecture and tutorial. kinda of tiring but worth it.

Achievement

I woke up early for my tutorial, surpised to see so many familiar face ( my batch ) again. As if my whole batch was not graduating yet. I went to to NIE canteen to buy some bun before taking shuttle bus to SRC gym. I did a great workout on my chest and triceps.There was few people around so I could make full use of the facilities. I went back home and have a late lunch and then went back to school to return the locker keys to the SRC office.

After that I took shuttle bus to canteen B, order fried rice and started my revision for 3 hours. After that I went back home and got a sms from my sister whether I want to invite any friends of mine to her wedding dinner. I was a little undecisive to make confirmation first. Hence she just reserve 3 tables for me. Who Am I going to invite to my sis's wedding dinner. I could not just invite anyone anyhow to the dinner. They must be the glamour kings and queens.Start scouting now!

Talking about glamour, there would be a glamourous birthday party this saturday. I need to look good on that particular occasion because it was the big shot's birthday party.In big shot's birthday celebration, he would invited THE PEOPLE to celebrate together. I was not sure who to bring along and know the big shot too. I was starting to wear emergency mask and hair treatment.

I received lily's sms that she got scolded by some idiot from friendster. It was kinda of weird for some stranger to hurl vulgarities to my friend. Apparently., this guy is
1) Have no life
2) Have so much time
3) Psycho mind
4) 3-dimensional loser

I told her to just ignore the bugger than making him ruining her day. In this life, there was always good and bad. Just treat it as another attention gimmick.At least There are people noticing us.



People seem to think you're schizophrenic, which may not be too far from the truth. When you go out, you like to be the center of attention and will do anything to stay in the spotlight. But when you're at home, you are soft-spoken, delicate, and insecure. You're a kind and caring person, and you make an excellent best friend and lover. What you need in life is balance.

Take the Which Madonna Video Are You quiz.

Hero

I spent my whole day at home until 4pm, when I decided to go out and do my revision. It was because I spent most of my day taking long nap and people like me thought that sleeping was waste of time.I went to King Albert park McDonald and realised that it was apcked with students and could not find any place to sit. Hence I travelled to Bukit merah McDonalds. I did my work for awhile when I realised I did not bring some of the neccesary notes to do my works.I ended up going back home.the trip was total waste of time. I should just went to school and did my revision there. On the way home, Jia wei ( Table-tennis player) lost her chance of attaining bronze medal , same fate as Susilo. Singapore still loves you!

I need LIFE!

Tips for long distance run:
1) You should set aside 10 minutes before and after each training sessin to stretch. This will help you recover from the training.
2) While running, have a bottle to drink from to get your body accustomed to ot, or you might find yourself getting a stomach cramp on the actual race day because you are not used to drinking while running
3) Run at actual race time to get the sense of what it is like to race at that hour of the day
4) Have bananas after run to refuel kost nutrients
5) Train in apparel and footwear that you will use on the actual events day
6)Find a correct footwear

Dim Sum Brollies

Seriously, I realised I could not study at saturday. It seemes that my mind create the habit that I should not study on saturday but to go out and enjoy what you doing.I just too lazy to go out, hence I just wait for the time to come for tuition at 8pm. Worse, i felt so tempted to cancel my tuition since my sister left he car key outside and she went to Johore with her fiancee to settle some wedding thingy.

I decided to tutor. Money was everything to me now. I totally forgot how to tecah chemistry.It had been years that i touched on the chemistry O level. I guess my ability to tutor was getting worse.Buck up!I also realized my saturday would be very boring day because that was the only day we both free.I was egtting boring person. I went back home, took a shower and decided to drive out. Imagined driving around with your favourite music alone, I felt lonely yet peaceful. Travelling non-stop, reflecting what you had been experience, bad or good. To know life of esjay was very difficult yet challenging. Sometimes, I really need someoen to listen my woes and sorrow. I had so much secrets to tell but no one have that ability to listen, really listen. I felt lost somehow during the journey. I hated to bottle up the feeling of remorse and loneliness. Well, Just be it.

I went to the club and some guy strike a conversation with me. He asked whether I was local.Yawns! I asked where I came from. He asked whether I was from Hong Kong. I spewed my drinks out, because it was so disbelieving. It must the club lighting or it was just too dark that he could not see my features properly. i guessed somehow right, he told me that my accent indicated my un-locality. I was like...DUH! Anyway, it did not make my day as it was getting boring. I should just paste my ID card on my forehead. Hey I got PINK NRIC!

Who's talking?

Green You are a very calm and contemplative person. Others are drawn to your peaceful, nurturing nature. Find out your color at Quiz Me!

Was it coincident? Green? Anyway did anyone really drawn to my peaceful and nurturing nature.Guess not!

I met up with GP09 group at canteen A to discuss about the project.I managed to prepare my things before meeting them. I did my part to contribute ideas. I was trying out to be as charming speaker as I could be, by applying the articles i have read.

1. Watch how you're standing or sitting. Don't be so sloppy.

2. In your mind's eye, picture a spotlight on anyone you're speaking to. Every time you speak, the spotlight turns off of them and on to you. So do your best to keep them, not you, in the spotlight. Don't regale them with your tales of your experiences. Instead, use active-listening skills--stay with them and explore their comments.

3. Avoid touching yourself when speaking to others. Do your best to keep your hands still.

4. Smile while you're talking. It's great to smile when you're listening to someone, but it's equally powerful to smile at someone while you're speaking to them.

5. Subtly mirror people's gestures when you're speaking to them.Be subtle.

6. Talk 20 percent of the time and listen 80 percent of the time. Let people talk about their favorite subject: themselves. When someone is speaking, ask them questions, nod affirmatively as they speak, and avoid interrupting them until they've finished talking and then ask them another question. When you're listening, you're in control of the conversation because you can guide the conversation anywhere you want it to go without volunteering anything about yourself or your own opinions.

7. Avoid offering unsolicited advice in public or in private. Generally, people will become defensive and stop talking when you offer them advice they didn't ask to hear. Offering advice makes a listener think they're wrong and that they've made a mistake by volunteering their viewpoint. Instead, say, "That's one way of looking at it," or "Let's take the learning experience from that and take it to the next level."

8. Offer sincere flattery .Most people enjoy being thanked for a job well-done, but only comment on their behavior and not them personally. Some people need frequent flattery, and some have difficulty with hearing any flattery at all.

It all ended well , with good direction and objective thanks to Imran and Collin.I rushed back home as I ahd to give tuition at 8pm. I realised that They could not make it tonight as they had some religious activity later. Guess I wasted time doing nothing as planned.

The Gatherings

Today was Union day, I supposed to think that the school would be commmneced for half day. I did not even bother to attend the three lecture and I was not even felt any guilty conscience about it. I met Terence at 11.30am at canteen A and walke dto the LT 2 to attend the event. Queue everywhere: One for the goodie bags, one for the free lunch sponsored by McDonalds, one for the balloons, one for the concert. I thought it was such a big event but the place was crowded with those people who wanted freebies.I could not be bothered to line up for those stuff.

Terence was being mocked by the candidates in the CEE to pull votes. How they know he is from CEE, but not me? Maybe they saw him somewhere in lecture or tutorial.Perhaps, Terence was already infamous in CEE for his cartoon-printed tees and his loud mouth. It was his first time to cast the vote for the CEE club and we were so excited ( yeah right ). I told him to look through the testimonials before vote. Apparently he voted those he knew and also those in second year to give them more opportunity to contribute to the club. YAwns!We had lunch at canteen B.

After that, he went for his tutorial and I went to the library to do my project. I bumped into kailing and sit beside her since there was availability of computer terminal beside her. I spent like an hour to figure how to do the formulae and apply to all the data in one row ( MS Excel ). After stressing out, I decide to give up and went to SRC gym to do the work out. I was not in the mood to work out hen I saw myself wearing the most ugliest workout attire and I looked damn silly. 45 minutes, I just went back home and prepare myself to watch Singapore Idol.

Singapore Idol was the best show at the moment.It was really very singaporean. Of course most of them did not have the powerful voice compared to the American idol, but the what charmed me about the contestants were their guts and determination ( I wondered why they could forget the simple lyric of teh songs ). Just hope Benjamin Eoi got through the final round. In case, you did not who Benjamin Eoi was, he was one of the members in the local boy band long time ago. They sang very well, especially the song titled Escape.

Life Oh Life

I woke late and of course was late for the meeting with the girls to discuss about the M464 project.Cindy wanted me to do the presentation based on the notes she wrote. She explained and told me what to present later. I hated presentation when I was not prepared well. Even Beth suggested that Cindy should do the presentation since she was the one who did the notes hence more familiarise with contents.I could not say much anyway. Because I did not want to create any trouble plus I did not brush my teeth this morning.

Presentation sucked! My capability to do proper presentation was threatened by the lack of confidence due to last minute preparation and lack of information on the product. I should be the one who prepared the presentation. I sucked big time!After the whole presentation thingy ended, we supposed to have a discussion regarding the project. I did not doubt their capability and their objective to do the project was very clear based on what the tutor expected of. But what pissed me off was doing things that was useless and waste everyone time plus doing the project without any concrete plan. time for me was precious and I did not like to do anything redundant.Like i said earlier, did not wish to state my point because I did not brush my teeth. I just hate working with or under the female's capability.

I went home and brush my teeth and had my lunch. Then I went back to school SRC pool to tan since I looked like some white chicken and the weather was nice. I skipped the idea when I saw an idiot who walked out of the pool topless. Imagined seeing a hunk with nice pecs, 6 bloodypacked abs, toned arms plus good look, how can I not feeling inferior? I am walking blob. Anyway, motivation just came and I hit the gym hard.I went to school to attend the M443 lecture. I was being called to interpret the graph on the the screen. Luckily for me, I managed to bullshit how the graphs worked. Time for my favourite subject: GP09.

Soul In Isolation

Spent time again in lab, isolated myself from the world. I made another fashion (under) statement : I put on the headband, due to my long fringe. It was getting to irritate me. I skipped all my lecture and tutorials today, trying to finish my project.Somehow,it was becoming boring routine. Only lecture I attend was M443, because I need to settle about the grouping thingy. The lecturer called me to pop the question on the graph on the presentation. Luckily I managed to answer the question.After all, I was not that stupid.

I went back to the lab, cleaning up the apparatus when I realised I lost interest to continue my experiment.Worse, I looked damn haggard with especially unkempt and dry hair. I met up with Terence to go to Annex to apply the locker. I managed to get locker below the LT1 . It was very deserted place, wonder if it was safe to put my stuff there. After that I went to meet Juliana and Medallyn at canteen A. Did some catching up with them. Nice to see them again. I got envious of juliana's trip to Phuket. But she told me that it was not to their expectation. Life. I introduced Terence to them. At 4.30pm, we went to our own way. I went home to take my stuff.But when I saw my bed, I started to dozed off. Today, I did not achieved any task I supposed to do. Worse,I got eye irritation due to contact lens AGAIN. How I wish I could just dig my eyeballs and put them in the bottle containing saline solution and washed all the dirts and clean my eyeballs entirely. I wish!

Things need to be reconsidered. Medallyn ( and even Denyse ) said that I looked better with my fringe up. WHY! I thought I looked better with fringe? WHY? WHY?

No life

Wait a min!

Apparently, I had no life, or politically boring life. Hey! I should not have complained or pissed off. At least I tried to finish up my project and get over it. Socialising with people seems to be a waste of time. I could not get used to chilling out or hang out with friends in canteen or any other place. That is pathetic. During lunch, I had to eat alone, drink alone, walk alone, and of course I had to pee alone.

I made friends with one guy who was doing FYP under same professor as me.The most asked question to me was whether I was local. I ask him where I come from or What I am then? He made my day by saying I am japanese. cool! I am japanese ?!! I did not that is just a spur of moment answer but he was the first time to say I am japanese. My accent was getting weirder. Nice try! It was fun for people who ask that question and guess What I am?

I went back home, took a nap.for two hour. My mum woke me up as it was my time to give tuition to my neighbour's daughter. Actually they ask for my sister's service but she was too busy to take one more tuition. Anyway I was desperate for money. And I need more tuition. Been a year, I did not take any tuition because it was the most boring and frustrating job. parents can demand so much expectation from tutor, and assume tutor could bring magical result to their children's stupidity. They did not know that everyone including them as well as the student were paying a part in getting good results.People like me did not have patience to see that positive results.Anyway the father was very understanding one. Better still , his daughter was smart one. No problem for me. I still thinking of the fee, how much should I charge?

What a Boring Day

Life is getting mundane and routine. I got so many things to be done yet I could not find time to settle. My school revisions and projects were behind the tentative schedule. It was so sunny and beautiful yet I could not enjoy the day. I went to school to do some reading. But I always gpt this serious major problem - distraction.

I tried hard to battle against distraction or even procrastination.Well, my resistance was increasing. Perhaps, I hang out with people with the great determination and optimism in being what they want them to be.I want to be successful person ( Who doesn't ).Improved time-managment skill, Healthier lifestyle, happy crowd and self-confidence were my smaller achievement last week.

But I did not want my lfe to be so less interesting and mundane. I need excitment, thrill or better still rule-breaking fun.But looking at my this week timetable, I guessed I started to wear my black-framed spectacle and back to my old, usual form: NERD. Welcome back nerd!

Time to smell the flower

I woke up late, having my brunch and then headed to school to do my report. I bumped into Ming Hui at canteen A. He still sports the blonde (hair) look. He did not stay in Hall anymore due to unsufficient points.It means I would not meet him in SRC gym anymore.Morever, how can he handle the travelling time from Tampines to Jurong? I had no time to do some catching up but would definitely met him up some day this week ( provided I had time )

I spent time trying to figure out how to manipulate the datas and create the graph using Excel. My life was getting harder when I realised that the file I downloaded from Auto-lab after 30minutes of tutoring with Zeng Cai regarding the good egenartion of graphs could not be opened. Worse, reading those help manuals did not help much. I never knew that I could be so illiterate in using MS Excel. Buck up! Knowing MS office is the most basic skill one need to know when one is in the workforce.At last, I just gave up and went to the canteen B to download some songs. I ended up chatting with Terence.Total waste of time.

I went back home and had my dinner and then went to the pool for a leisure swim to get my lean bod back. Then I went back home. I just had not fulfill anything today. Time just passed like that.And I seldom stop to enjoy the beauty of nature. I wondered why 24 hour seemed too short when I was growing older.In my eagerness to create a life, I often forget about my quality of life. I wondered what I was busy with?

Samuel Ullman said that Youth is not a time of life; it is a state of mind; it is not a matter of rosy cheeks, red lips and supple knees; it is a matter of the will, a quality of the imagination, a vigor of the emotions; it is the freshness of the deep springs of life.

Youth means a tempera-mental predominance of courage over timidity, of the appetite for adventure over the love of ease. This often exists in a man of 60 more than a boy of 20. Nobody grows old merely by a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals.

Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul. Worry, fear, self-distrust bows the heart and turns the spring back to dust.

Whether 60 or 16, there is in every human being's heart the lure of wonder, the unfailing childlike appetite of what's next and the joy of the game of living. In the center of your heart and my heart there is a wireless station: so long as it receives messages of beauty, hope, cheer, courage and power from men and from the Infinite, so long are you young.

When the aerials are down, and your spirit is covered with snows of cynicism and the ice of pessimism, then you are grown old, even at 20, but as long as your aerials are up, to catch waves of optimism, there is hope you may die young at 80.

From there, I would find time to stop and smell the flowers.



 

Friday the 13th

Today is my good friend's ( to me ) Ming Wei birthday. I just wished him a birthday wish through ICQ. Lucky for him to have his birthday fell on friday. We all knew that it was friday the 13th and how many opportunities one can get to cleberate such day. I got to know Ming Wei during my first year of engineering course. We were in the same class. We got to know better when we joined in the same group during the communication skill. He always came late for tutorial. Despite being so active in his hall activities and Union , hardly did his tutorials, sometimes skipped all his lectures, He managed to pass or even score for his exam. That I called smart. Anyway, I just wished him good health and happiness.

The fear of Friday the 13th stems from two separate fears -- the fear of the number 13 and the fear of Fridays. Both fears have deep roots in Western culture, most notably in Christian theology.Thirteen is significant to Christians because it is the number of people who were present at the Last Supper (Jesus and his 12 apostles). Judas, the apostle who betrayed Jesus, was the 13th member of the party to arrive.Christians have traditionally been wary of Fridays because Jesus was crucified on a Friday. Additionally, some theologians hold that Adam and Eve ate from the forbidden fruit on a Friday, and that the Great Flood began on a Friday. In the past, many Christians would never begin any new project or trip on a Friday, fearing they would be doomed from the start.

Some historians suggest the Christian distrust of Fridays is actually linked to the early Catholic Church's overall supression of pagan religions and women. In the Roman calendar, Friday was devoted to Venus, the goddess of love. When Norsemen adapted the calendar, they named the day after Frigg, or Freya, Norse goddesses connected to love and sex. Both of these strong female figures once posed a threat to male-dominated Christianity, the theory goes, so the Christian church vilified the day named after them.

This characterization may also have played a part in the fear of the number 13. It was said that Frigg would often join a coven of witches, normally a group of 12, bringing the total to 13. This idea may have originated with the Christian Church itself; it's impossible to verify the exact origins of most folklore. A similar Christian legend holds that 13 is unholy because it signifies the gathering of 12 witches and the devil.

The number 13 could also have been considered pagan because there are 13 months in the pagan lunar calendar. The lunar calendar also corresponds to the human menstrual cycle, connecting the number to femininity.

I was not being blasphemous , but I think Christian in the olden times do have narrow-minded thinking and superstition. Does God teach them to suppress women when Eve was created from the rib of Adam by God. I definitely could not wait for friday to come. At least I know the reason behind the friday the 13th.

Like many human beliefs, the fear of Friday the 13th (known as paraskevidekatriaphobia) isn't exactly grounded in scientific logic. But the really strange thing is that most of the people who believe the day is unlucky offer no explanation at all, logical or illogical. As with most superstitions, people fear Friday the 13th for its own sake, without any need for background information.

Personality Disorder

My friend said that I had personality disorder. I belong to (those not being striked through):

Paranoid
Paranoid personality disorder is characterized by a distrust of others and a constant suspicion that people around you have sinister motives. People with this disorder tend to have excessive trust in their own knowledge and abilities and usually avoid close relationships with others. They search for hidden meanings in everything and read hostile intentions into the actions of others. They are quick to challenge the loyalties of friends and loved ones and often appear cold and distant to others. They usually shift blame to others and tend to carry long grudges.

Schizoid
People with schizoid personality disorder avoid relationships and do not show much emotion. They genuinely prefer to be alone and do not secretly wish for popularity. They tend to seek jobs that require little social contact. Their social skills are often weak and they do not show a need for attention or acceptance. They are perceived as humorless and distant and often are termed "loners."

Schizotypal
Many believe that schizotypal personality disorder represents mild schizophrenia. The disorder is characterized by odd forms of thinking and perceiving, and individuals with this disorder often seek isolation from others. They sometimes believe to have extra sensory ability or that unrelated events relate to them in some important way. They generally engage in eccentric behavior and have difficulty concentrating for long periods of time. Their speech is often over elaborate and difficult to follow.

Antisocial
A common misconception is that antisocial personality disorder refers to people who have poor social skills. The opposite is often the case. Instead, antisocial personality disorder is characterized by a lack of conscience. People with this disorder are prone to criminal behavior, believing that their victims are weak and deserving of being taken advantage of. They tend to lie and steal. Often, they are careless with money and take action without thinking about consequences. They are often agressive and are much more concerned with their own needs than the needs of others.

Borderline
Borderline personality disorder is characterized by mood instability and poor self-image. People with this disorder are prone to constant mood swings and bouts of anger. Often, they will take their anger out on themselves, causing themselves injury. Suicidal threats and actions are not uncommon. They think in very black and white terms and often form intense, conflict-ridden relationships. They are quick to anger when their expectations are not met.

Histrionic
People with histrionic personality disorder are constant attention seekers. They need to be the center of attention all the time, often interrupting others in order to dominate the conversation. They use grandiose language to discribe everyday events and seek constant praise. They may dress provacatively or exaggerate illnesses in order to gain attention. They also tend to exaggerate friendships and relationships, believing that everyone loves them. They are often manipulative.

Narcissistic
Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by self-centeredness. Like histrionic disorder, people with this disorder seek attention and praise. They exaggerate their achievements, expecting others to recongize them as being superior. They tend to be choosy about picking friends, since they believe that not just anyone is worthy of being their friend. They tend to make good first impressions, yet have difficulty maintaining long-lasting relationships. They are generally uninterested in the feelings of others and may take advantage of them.

Avoidant
Avoidant personality disorder is characterized by extreme social anxiety. People with this disorder often feel inadequate, avoid social situations, and seek out jobs with little contact with others. They are fearful of being rejected and worry about embarassing themselves in front of others. They exaggerate the potential difficulties of new situations to rationalize avoiding them. Often, they will create fantasy worlds to substitute for the real one. Unlike schizoid personality disorder, avoidant people yearn for social relations yet feel they are unable to obtain them. They are frequently depressed and have low self-confidence.

Dependent
Dependent personality disorder is characterized by a need to be taken care of. People with this disorder tend to cling to people and fear losing them. They may become suicidal when a break-up is imminent. They tend to let others make important decisions for them and often jump from relationship to relationship. They often remain in abusive relationships. They are overly sensitive to disapproval. They often feel helpless and depressed.

Obsessive-Compulsive
Obsessive-Compulsive personality disorder is similar to obsessive-compulsive anxiety disorder. People with this disorder are overly focused on orderliness and perfection. Their need to do everything "right" often interferes with their productivity. They tend to get caught up in the details and miss the bigger picture. They set unreasonably high standards for themselves and others, and tend to be very critical of others when they do not live up to these high standards. They avoid working in teams, believing others to be too careless or incompetent. They avoid making decisions because they fear making mistakes and are rarely generous with their time or money. They often have difficulty expressing emotion.

BeeWorkz

Today, I wore green tee I bought at chatchuchak Market at bangkok plus well-waxed hairstyle. I realised that I was very early today ( surpisingly ) to the lab. This technician ask me which class I was from when he saw me looking so restless.I told him I was in T13. He pointed at the direction. Hence, I sat down , surrounded by the unfamiliar faces and waited for the AP Li Chuan.

Everyone was discussing about the project and I did not know what was going on that time.Then the tutor ask everyone if there was any volunteers care to join this group of three girls whereas the rest of groups consist of 5. I put up my hand, and told him that I did not come last week for the lab session. He said, that solved the problem, cheekily said that now got one handsome guy to join you girls. I was like..wooooaahh.. I admitted I was better looking guy there but he should not say that in front of people. So embarrasing ( Yeah right, esjay).

Then I met Terence and Hung yong for lunch at 11.30am. I had lousy lunch at canteen A. and I hate canteen A food.Then Terence and I went to Supermarket at Hall 2 , because I need to buy some wire for my fyp. The wire was snapped yet my researcher student did not do anyhing about it. I could not waste time, not doing my project since I book the equipment, plus so many FYP students around who might just snatch my opportunity to use the auto-lab.I bought crocodile-clip and paper clip plus other stationery. Then we took a bus to the Cantee A. There was some event named Poise organised by NAIMs. We had some free cups of milo and their magazine. We watched some cheapskate model show. Terence suddenly appraoched this cute at one booth. He called me over. I was introduced to this guy, Sam. He was the one who did the casting for Nick, Kelvin and Henry. He asked me to go and gave a try for his casting agency ( Beeworks). He said i got height which can be an advantage. Bleah!I just filled up the form and took few pictures of me. Now I got to know that guy in person. He was not bad guy after all, when I received a distorted picture of him. We had chat for a while before Terence and I went for our class.


At 4.30pm, I met kailing and Hung Yong for tea break when I realised that LT 5 was empty. There was supposed to be lecture being commenced but It was EMPTY.I checked my timetable that I came one hour later.Dumb! I always fely happy whenever I was with Hung Yong and Kailing. As usual, I had horrible Mee Siam at canteen A. We talked about Sinagpore Idol, William hung, School matters and almost everything.... There was no restriction within our conversation. Then I hanged out at Library1 awehile before I told Hung Yong that I need to go home to take money for the collection of my spectacle at Spectacle Hut at Westmall.I was short of cash then.

This guy,Vincent,was really customer-oriented. He still remembered me despite I did not bring my receipt. Secondly , he adjusted my spectacle to the perfection. I definitely came back to seek for his professional help.Happy, At last. To get my spectacle.Time to turn nerdy.

Judgement

What we like to judge people by its cover? Why we look at someone and think that they are idiotic, ugly or fat? Why we picture distorted image of other? Sometimes , I do have nasty habit of judging others and lebeling them. Yet I did not feel guilty about it. I was being judgemental nowadays and I felt so mean, or insecure? I guess I mistakenly believe that if I put other down, it elevate me. Recently, I was being judged and was not happy about it. They judge me without knwoing anything about me, and vice versa.Judging other in itself is not wrong;it is the manner in whuch we judge them that is wrong.Anyway I was tolerant about those prejudices. To those people, I was a label. Especially to my friend, common sense says that when many people believe something to be true, there must be some truth in their belief. He did not even accept my opinion regarding certain ideals. Just to tell him, for wehn we combine our different beliefs, we get closer to the ultimate truth.


Regardless, i don't have to explain the way I am and how I project myself.Especially for what I see as nothing wrong. I could not stop everyone to pass opinion on almoste verything including me. take it as a stride and live on.

I woke up early today as my family intended to go overseas ( Johore ) to do my sis's wedding card bulk orders and of course the get-togther thingy again. Luckiyly for me, my sis was going to drive today.My eyes were just tired and sleepy to drive.My mum suggested that we should parked the car at woodlands centrala dn then took a bus to the Johore. I was like...hey! I was not going to undergo another warm and troublesome ( although fast ) way to cross the causeway. I just said that we just drove to Johore instead, anyway It might not have traffic jam later. I would not let go the comfort of staying in the car.

It was traffic jam , all right. I was wrong. talking about being singaporean , celebrating the national day outside Singapoer. I was not surpised to see so many Singapore car crossing the causeway for holiday. My mum was nagging about the custom officer stamping the passport slowly. I was just kept quiet, enjoying the music as well as scenery.

At last, we reached the immigration center. But the hell for my sis was not oover. There were so many johore cars on roads and my sister was like cursing and swearing at those who did not have courtesy to give in. We parked our car at City Square and walked to Komtar ( beside City Square ). My sister and My mum always had different taste in everything.Eventually, I was the one who made the decision. Maybe I got good taste or maybe I just told the the rationale of choosing which of course depend on my sis's taste and my mum's taste too. For example the selectin of wedding card design. After wasting time browsing and still not sure to choose, my sis asked for my opinion. I just choose I like and explained why I choose it. First, it look very classy and expensive ( according to my mum's taste) and it was flowery yet simple ( according to my sis's taste). BINGO!I could get to ahve my lunch early.

Then we walked back to City Square to have our lunch at Sundanese Restaurant at level 3. We ordered kangkong belachan, Fried seabass, Curry chicken, Squid, Assam soup which cost of RM$98.20 only. It was quite delicous yet cheap. We saw so many Singaporeans having their lunch here. How I wished My parents bought the house here so that during weekend, I could just chill out at Johore bahru, instead at Orchard Rd.

I bought three VCD from the vendors ( each cost only RM$5). The vendors even persuaded me to buy pornographic VCD. I said to him politely that these VCD were meant for my parents to watch. I just hurried back and met them at Secret Recipe. At 4pm, we drove back home. As usual , it was trafiic jam. This was the timeto test our patience. My mum was so angry with those idiots who just cross the lane without signal. Worse ( or better ) my sis was very cautious driver. hence thsoe Idiots took advantanges of her. I told her the secret of handling these assholes.

1. Never Give in
2. Always go to third lane but not last one
3. Drive near the center parting kerb
4. Go close to the car infront
5. Don't look left or right because these people want you to give in to them
6. lastly. Gave the 'fuck you' look

We reached home at 6pm, a right time to watch National day Parade. But i would skip watching it again since I already watched the preview so I just watched the VCDs I bought just now.At 8.15pm, I watched Sinagpore Idol. I was quite surpised to see Sinagporeans really opened up and being thick skinned in fron of national TV. Kudos to them for entertaining us. Some of them actually made a fool of themselves. I don't know if they just came to sing or to get famous.I saw Alastair ( singing Smile and he sing so beautifully )and lily. A definite show to watch.....

Dedicated to Kevin Sim for his Guts

It’s been three years and seven days
Since I first gave my all to you
Stuck up in love so wrong
I can’t see nothin’ else but me and you

A sudden change has come about
The way you treat me, I need you
Can’t stop the rain from comin’ down
Until you see it’s true that

No one’s gonna love you [Like I do it]
Late at night, baby [Like I do]
I get up early in the mornin’ [To please you and], oh, yeah, yeah
And make sure that you’re satisfied

[Don’t run away from lovin’]
[Love is] All I have for you
[Don’t turn away from us]
[No one will] Love you like I do

It’s been to me a time alone
‘Cause I’ve been more than there for you
Don’t wanna leave, can’t bear the thought
Of what goes on, we are through

Too may reasons we should stay
We built a world between us two
But if you need to go away
Then, baby, you will see that

No one’s gonna love you [Like I do it], oh
Late at night, baby [Like I do]
I get up early in the mornin’ [To please you and]
And make sure that you’re satisfied

Suddenly, I realised that I really do need to make some friends.I mean real-life, not online, maybe friends who might even come over to my place sometimes to enjoy my cooking and play video games, friends who might do stupid things like cruising through the tombstones at Lim Chu Kang with me, or accompany me to Kuala lumpur road trip , or do fun things just for fun, or something

Just dumb stuff like that. Dumb, enjoyable everyday, friend stuff.

Friday would the most boring day this week. I spent whole day and night perhap to do my final year project. I still not find any solution or results for my experiments.I spent my whole life in this lab. I felt like I was being isolated from the public eyes. I wore nice clothes and new hairstyle, yet only handful ( form the lab mostly ) could see the changes. Yawns

Today I missed lecture again because i staye dlate yesterday to watch season finale of the Charmed at star channel. It was very interesting 2 hr episode. Seemed that every season, it always ended with Piper holding an important role. This time, she gave birth to Christopher , White's younger brother. But Chris ( for short ) was killed by the elder. As much as we know that it was a bimbotic drama, I enjoyed them nevertheless. I hoped new season would be coming soon since the Channel 5 started to air the charmed season 6 on 18th August.

I went to school to settle my Prescribed Elective. I just chose Biomaterials as one of the Prescribed. Hopefully it would be interesting subject. I should thank that clerk ( I forgot her name ) for helping me settle the subject matter. Then I went to the canteen B for lunch before I told a shuttle bus to SRC for gym. Today, then gym was not that crowded hence I managed to get to do my workout without interruption. I was supposed to go for a tan at NTU pool when I realised that tanning bench were mostly occupied.I never knew that NTU people made the time to go tanning.

Then I went to the Bukit batok Spectacle Hut to do eye check. I was being served by this guy, Vincent. He certainly have a good customer service skill. Anyway he asked me whether I was local. Not again. I already wrote my particular which included my NRIC , yet he ask that question. I asked him where I came from? He told me that I could be Eurasian because of my accent. SMILE! I was not boasting, but the words came from that guy. Not so excited though, I got used to that question. And I realised that my contact lens got hole in the middle. No wonder I got blur vision which I thought it go to do with my eyes.

I went back home and lazed and skipped my jogging in evening. My body just ached after that.

Today I attend lecture M443 , I realised that I did not have any group to form yet. I still not approached anyone to form any group. I felt so helpless. It was just not my style to approach and ask for request to join the group. Morever, I was the 51th students attend the lecture. It was supposed to take only 50 students.. But I asked for appeal to add me into the prescribed elective since it sound so relevant for me to learn and use when i graduated. Gosh! I felt so damn shit for not having any group. Why must I be always be special one?

I had my first GE lesson today. We was welcomed by this trainer, very charismatic and interesting.I forgot his name.Gosh. HE armed with so many bachelor degree. I enjoyed every minutes of his lesson. He had great sense of humour to aake us laugh and learn too. He asked me the question about learning. I was like so himbotic and answer the most silly answer. YeT he said I was being honest. Thank you. But then, he bitched indirectly along the way. I was like ...Bleah. This time, I aprroached people to join the group.Well, My General Elective was leadership'role in people development within organisation. I will be the first to make a first move to join the group. Anyway I was too tired to stay late at school to do my project. I just went back home and rest while waiting for the charmed show at 11.30pm.

I spent my whole day again at laboratory today. I came across so many studnts doing FYp in the lab. I seriously gave that 'Bulldog gave that fierce snarl when its territory being theartened" look at them. Yet they still kept stealing glance at me. I guessed I was not cut to look like ferocious dog.People still find me darling. Yucks! Boo!

Gretchen : I am sorry because I am popular but I just could not help it

While waiting for the bus, I was approached by the canadian korean male whom I mistook a china man, asking for my direction to SRC. I just led him the way since I was on the way there to gym.He is an exchanged student who study business/finance at NBS. He has ONLY 3 subject yet he told me that he was the only one who study every night but most of the hallmates stay awake playing games,play basketball, chatting, surfing nets. No surpise! He remined me of my BMTC mates, ian. No wonder those girls go gaga over korean guys. They are very charming people.

The gym was crowded, i just did my biceps before I went back home. After that I went for a run around NTU compound.Tired but fulfilled.

Today, I went to tutorial for first time. And I felt quite guilty for not doing my tutorial. I met Lincoln at Jurong Point to accompany him for dinner before the birthday dinner organised by the birthday girl herself, lily at Fish & Co. at Novena Square. I reached there at 7.30pm. I was late but Nor was later. We waited for the food being served. I was introduced by Lily to her colleages. They are such loving and friendly people. But of course, I met her secondary mates before when i attended her birthday dinner 2 years ago. CK was not able to make it for dinner because he was not feeling well. Just in time, the food was being served, Nor arrived. She still remembered me. It was my first time being personal with her and she was very nice, friendly and beautiful girl. Quite charismatic. We got along well.Sometimes, we should really judge the book by its cover and how many time i always saw distorted picture at the moment and make judgement, wrongly.

We had sumptuous meal , treat from birthday girl. I always liked food at fish & Co. And It was my first time trying the food at Singapore. I usually had meal at Fish & Co at Kuala Lumpur. Still the best. Then we had the cake-cutting ceremony as lily's friend could not stay late. The cake was very nice despite my dislike over cakes, especiallyc reamy ones. But this one, bought by her colleagues was really heavenly. Even Nor and I had second helping.

I was quite bad for not bringing gift to her. Somehow everyone brought her a present. Even CK bought for her. I felt so guilty and embarrased. I think I would buy her later. I guessed she won't mine as I was the only one who still study.She even gave us gift called Love LIke MAgic. She can be so sweet to amke such handmade gift for us. Who would do that. We was trully appreaciated her for putting so much love and sincerity to make a gift. Talented, right.

After that, I chilled out with Lily and Nor at nearby coffee shop before we went back home. I was actually quite tired today but nevertheless I enjoyed every bit , with the companmy of Lily, her friend and Nor. It was fun. If only it was held on weekend.

Happy birthday, Kitty

hi

Sunday is here and I am stucked at home as usual. The weather was so nice and cool. I felt like sleeping forever. I thought of my FYP. Pressure of not completing them on time, suddenly cause me wide awaken. Nothing much to do today so I just surf net for more information on entrepeneurship as well as friends' live journal and blog.

I was totally turned off by my friend's write-up about me and he thought he could find ways to sabotage me in invisible, unseen, hurtful ways.He was so mean ( like real ).No matter how mean I am, I am still a rock star.I think I should stop this kind of illusions of being plastic.With his 2c worth of additional remarks. I guess seriously for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction ( be good or bad, it did not matter ) somehow it will come to him 3 times fold. Good luck to him too. I was not being mean, actually but then whatever he wrote seemed to bounce at him. He thinks friends are people
1) who must gave hime free gifts/stuff when they went overseas
2) who should ask him first for any events because he is a main cast
3) Who hang out together at some happening places where happening people hang out
4) Who should not betray him at all cost.

I guessed he seriously not a good friend to others too.There are unfairness occurred in every relationship or any situation and he should do some soul-searching why these things occured to him everytime.Instead of filling his own shoes to reason out, he should take more time to understand his friends more.Anyway,I had given up on the person. Hope to realise that he lost a good friend.

Queen Bee, Regina completely understands the notion that it’s good to keep your friends close, but your enemies even closer.