Early Rise

I manage to wake up early just to attend the bodycombat by Cheslyn. Most of the tracks are old and short. I do not sweat it out a lot somehow. Then I attend the Bodypump by Elizabeth after that. I am surpised that Cheslyn says hi to me.

I must acknowlede her next time. I am so snobbish in gym.

Then I have my usual routine ( have 15minutes of steaming in steamroom ) before shower. I just love to see my face get red after that.

I need to have a tanline. I look half-tanned now.

Then I go home to have a lunch. I need to save money.

I browse my old album and see my good friends. I afraid that I am drifting apart from them and eventually disappear in their life. Men don't do friendship nearly as easily, nearly as well as women. Friendships between men involve a bizarre combination of competition, cooperation, insult and one upsmanship. When the friends go away, for whatever reason, all we're left with are ghosts.

Will they remember old esjay

I do not want to be a ghost. Or It is my fault for not being proactive to maintain continous relationship with them.Perhaps as we grow older, our interests change and sometimes this means that a friendship may not be as close as it once was. This also means that I, too, may find a different group of friends to spend time with.

I am so gerontophobic. I have difficulty dealing with aging. I fear death too.

But I miss my friends. When we grow old, we have own life and responsibilty to carry. I don't think they have time to remember me. Am I exaggerating? Am I thinking too much?

Am I getting senile?

or lonely?

The secret of life is not about enjoying the present moment, but about enjoying EVERY moment. This is not an exaggeration, for even on the way to the funeral of one’s spouse, there is time to enjoy the fragrance of flowers, time to rejoice in the memories of the many happy moments spent together, and time to welcome the consolation of friends.

But I don't want to live by the pasts.

For some people making new friends comes easily. For me, it can be a difficult task. The development of a true friendship, whether it’s with one person or many people, is a great feeling. Making and keeping good friends is a challenge for me, whether I am shy or not. I feel inadequate myself surpisingly.

But according toBostonUK,

Esjay
You have a charismatic and magnetic personality which others cannot help but be drawn to ensuring you of many friends. Very ambitious your keen perceptive powers and ability to absorb knowledge helps you to achieve your objectives. You are a strong willed and industrious worker who is prepared to earn all the material success and good fortune which comes your way. With a philosophical attitude happiness is assured.

Contradicting?

I think I am just negotiating transition to 30s. I hate it.

Aging is about finding new ways to understand yourself and others, and grieving what is lost in order to be able to anticipate with joy and wonder what may yet come. By feeling connected to both the past and the future in a balanced way we maintain some integrity in the face of our mortality.

Just admit it, Esjay.

I am just lonely.