Being Bad

I am always a big jerk ( but with nice heart )

They refer me as a jerk suggests that my penchant to push people into doing things they should do in their life and make life more lively by making fool of themselves. It can be positive though as it carries innovation and motivation. I don't intimidate people, Do I?

There is only skill I am trying to learn: brainwashing. What I did comes down to question of intention. I want people to be better. It sound patronizing but I want to be surrounded with positive-minded people. I want the people to be better so that they can be better friends to me. I want them to be honest and comfortable with me. I want them to be realistic yet funny . I want them to be happy and confident. I need positivity at the moments.

I also want them to loosen up and break the rules. I want them to make fool of themselves and create a din. Life is short and make a day worth remembering. I myself feel like I work hard to finds things that my life more enjoyable and adventurous. And i want to share with them. I love my life and they should love theirs too. Stop making me sighing about presence that cause me so worked up.

I proud and not bragging that I have changed people's life. I force them to get what they want, underhand or right way. Nothing can be satisfying but to get what they desire.Life is a bitch so move on. I need to move on too.

Sometimes people need a push. They need a hit resistance before they will contemplate change. I am just a catalyst.It still gets to do with mutual trust. My intentions are good but shocking. Or I just desire for love and acceptance. I am seriously not wanting people to be indebted to me for everything I have done to help them . I am just contented to know I am a good friend inspite my egoistic and perfectionist attitude.

Hence, I can hope for is that I am sufficiently honest to acknowledge what's is best for them and actions I am considering for them. Sometimes, it is not simple ; an action can be done by good or bad intentions, and that can against my own integrity and principle to help a friend. And I am doing not for recognization. But I think it's worth to make someone feels good and speacial. And people should think I am worth that risks well.

As long as they don't step my tail. I can be nasty .