Today, I woke up feeling depressed..The sadness, loneliness, grief, and disappointment we all feel at times are normal reactions to some of the struggles of life.My depression doesn't lift after a few hours or a few days. Instead it lasts, and it can seem too heavy to bear. It also involves thoughts about death, negative thoughts about myself, a sense of worthlessness, a sense of hopelessness that things could get better, low energy, and noticeable changes in appetite or sleep.Seems the sky was falling down.

Truthfully, depression distorts my viewpoint, which allowed me to focus only on my failures and disappointments and to exaggerate these negative things. I was convinced that there is nothing to live for.There's nothing good about the present. The hopelessness can make it seem like there will be nothing good in the future; helplessness can make it seem like there's nothing I can do to change things for the better. And the low energy that is part of depression can make every problem (even small ones) seem like too much to handle.I lost myself today. Suicide was on my mind.But I was too beautiful to leave this world so fast.I went for a dip at pool afterthat.Trying to relax myself as well as recalling the moments that still hold me as a strong person.Problems just came too fast and together. June was really not my favorite month.Or maybe I just need someone to talk to.A dummy who just listened to my woes and cries and then forgot about them after that. Will I be stronger than yesterday. Now it's nothing but my way and My loneliness ain't killing me no more because I'm stronger!

Tonight I break a bad news to my mum that I need another semester hopefully ( I must clear this semester).I dare not see her face to face. I hate to see her disappointed. I was just lazy and care-free guy which I think I was regretted for my attributes. Somehow I have to tell the truth, no matter how hurt it was. I felt relieved, somehow.The burden of hiding the truth is terrible.It made me depressed, infintely.Sorry, Mum. I knew I was that young anymore.I felt such a failure.I need a shoulder to cry one!!!