Sunday, June 27, 2004

I did not know why I always get pissed off at very last day during the trip , everytime.Maybe being capricorn and having certain traits of dragon cost me to sour every friendship whoever I went for a trip with.There were certain matters I really felt so irritated with his behaviour and his comments.

He wished that I would have biggest spending power (it means I should have worked)instead of being thrifty.My budget for this trip was only $150.He should know that this trip was not even planned in my calendar at all.There was one event, when he was interested in buying the tanktop cost at RM20 if we buy any item because its usual price cost at RM45.That time, I loved one v-neck tee cost about RM77.It means that If I bought that tee, he can get the the tanktop at discounted rate.I told him that it was beyond my budget.He kept pestering me to buy it and even offered to lend me money. I was quite blown away.I consistently told him that I was not interested at all.Then he blamed me that he had to get the top at original price.Occassionaly. It does not matter whether it was a joke or something else, It really hurt my pride because he really did not understand me and my situation and just thought of his material gain.Sighs.

When I did a mistake regarding the location , ending up lost in the city which I was not familiar at all, especially at night when all the building are gray and similar. He blamed me for being implusive and just do without any thinking further.As a friend, instead of projecting my mistakes, he should at least give me some encouraging, nice and motivating words.I can work better under aura of positivity.I just sulked whole night.And yet he did not even apologized for his meanness.

Lastly, he kept saying about his friend and his good traits.Am I being comparable to his friend. That friend of his is tall,good looking,rich,smart,hunky,willing to chip in when they were on tour, would not go for cheap hotel and they had something in common in every aspect.I got it.Sorry, Ken.I was true blue capricorn.What message is he trying to convey when he mention his friend like almost every day, especially when he was going to go on tour with him to bangkok. Kinda of pissed off or I was just being sensitive.I guessed not.Being with him, really test my character, to be better person.I did not lose my tantrum or being bitchy.I kept my ego at bay.

At the end, I felt quite miserable.I did ask him whether he enjoyed the trip.It supposed to relaxing trip for him.It would better if I was working and there would be more communication.From that point. I was confused.Communication problems? Am I was not that accomodating enough?I really did not know.For my side, I enjoyed my trip , nevertheless especially all the goodness came to me.

It would be better if he stop saying something negative and bragging over certain issues and then mean them as a jokes.Life is so short, why be so negative.Or I just being so sensitive around me?

My capricorn bad traits shown during the trip
- snobbery makes me superior
- Over-zealous, and can be easily angered at slightest obstacle
- terminal ego case, with sincerbelief that I am infallible and can do no wrong
- impulsive
- suffer a perceived slight, I can harbour grudge for twice as long as forever.
- domineering

I really hoped the trip did not sour our friendship.And I hope he would understand the situation.I was not only a companion, but also one of his friends.Cos I'm worth it.Worse June holiday was really a terrible month for me

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